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Thoughts on Breastfeeding

while i was at my dad's picking up tommy, my dad turned on law and order. it was an episode where a mom and dad were being charged with murder (i think, it's hard to concentrate with a wound-up tommy running around) of their 6 week old infant. i didn't get to see the entire episode, only to the part where the mother was frustrated by the breastfeeding process and let her baby starve to death. i don't want to know how it ends. it hits home really really hard.

when i brought tommy home from the hospital, i had the same trouble. tommy lost weight right after birth, which is normal, but he never gained it back. he was gaining weight at a fraction of the pace of "formula babies". being as i was a new, inexperienced mom, i was devastated and convinced that tommy was going to die. EVERYONE told me to stop nursing and start using formula. i was being irrational due to post-partum depression/hormones. i was miserable and scared. i had no one to lean on. my entire reason for breastfeeding was that tommy's dad had been breastfed, so would tommy. nothing would deter me. i started pumping 10 days after he was born. even that didn't help. he gained weight faster, but not fast enough. if it wasn't for the la leche league, i would have given up.

i always thought it was funny when i read in "the books" that self-confidence as a mom is crucial. after a month of too-low birth weights and so much pressure to quit nursing, all i did was doubt myself. i have literally never felt so low in my life. at no point after losing my boyfriend or during the pregnancy did i feel so much like shit. to not be able to do the one thing that any woman should be able to do is a crushing blow. to have your infant baby starving because of that inability is just crippling. with zero self-confidence you can't do much of anything.

i called the la leche league in tears. and was in hysterics by the time i got out the first sentence. the woman i spoke to encouraged me to go to the next meeting, which happened to be that coming friday. best. decision. ever.

i was afraid of what i would find there. my only idea of them was that they were the breastfeeding nazis that tell you you'll burn in hell if you give your baby formula. instead, they built up my confidence. they didn't condemn me for using formula. i don't think their intent was to make me feel better about myself in general, but they were encouraging and they broke breastfeeding down into such a small chunk that it didn't seem insurmountable anymore. i left feeling confident that i could keep breastfeeding and kill my poor sweet baby.

so if you are breastfeeding your baby and are having trouble, here's the earth-shattering nugget:

nurse your baby every time it fusses. EVERY time.

babies don't know to eat or for how long to eat. in my case, i think that tommy had to wait so long to nurse that he accepted hungry as a state that he is supposed to be in. so do the math for them. if your baby falls asleep while nursing, wake em up.

i was told over and over and over again by family and friends and complete strangers that i was going to spoil tommy if i 'kept him on the nipple'. that's hogwash. once i started nursing whenever he fussed, my supply went up. what he lacked in quantity he made up for in extra nursing sessions. he started gaining weight. and he wasn't constantly 'on the nipple'. even if he was, he's a baby. it's his job to eat. and poop. and eat some more. he has never been a clingy, fussy or whiny baby. he has never wanted to be held all the time. whatever terrible thing that happens when you 'spoil' a child like that NEVER HAPPENED.

so first rule of thumb, nurse when the baby fusses.

second? ignore the word spoiled. spoiled is a matter of perspective. tommy lives in a house that protects him from the elements and wild beasts. he has more toys and clothes than he knows what to do with. he has running water and unspoiled food. he has electricity and tv. there are plenty of people in the world that would consider that spoiled and i'm ok with that. spoiled for being held too much? my eyes can't physically roll back into my head far enough.

an airplane of some sort just flew over my house at the exact same time my dog stampeded up the steps and woke tommy up. he fell back asleep but i've lost my train of thought.

nurse your baby as often as you can. and if you can't, go halfsies with formula. or just stop and use formula. you don't need to nurse forever. what matters is that your baby gets nourished. formula isn't as good as breastmilk, but it's not worth beating yourself up over or having a mental break down over. just because it's not as good doesn't mean it's not good enough.

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Comment by skylark97 on May 6, 2012 at 9:35pm: @Mommawolf2011, those are the bottles we use too! I tried other bottles for my baby and nope, the breastflow ones are the ones she loves. There's a bit of a trick to get the milk out of the outer nipple when baby doesn't drink fast enough, but they worked like a dream. We introed them when she was 8 days old, and she breastfed like a champ and took the bottle like a pro when I went back to work. I didn't have to worry about nipple confusion or her refusing one or the other.

Comment by MommaWolf2011 on May 6, 2012 at 7:33pm: Isaulito11 i have found bottles that are made to feel just like the mother's breast an my son loves them! they are called the 1st years by breastflow. there is a part that fits inside the nipple like our breasts are made and the actual nipple caves in like we do when our babies are latched on and nursing. i hope this helps

Comment by WD4's Mommy on April 2, 2012 at 1:21am: Love your story. Thanks for sharing. My littel eating machine has never been satisfied with just breastfeeding. We have always had to follow each breastfeeding session, whether 30 mins or an hour and a half (yes), with a formula "chaser". I have never been able to pump more then 1/2 - 1 ounce of formula every 30 minutes! He could gulp that down in no time so I could literally be pumping or breastfeeding all day. I felt like I never put my breasts away! And it was heartbreaking that I couldn't supply him with what he needed. There have been lots of tears over it. I have had to deal with and try to get past the guilt feelings of not being able to do all breast feeding and it is less and less every day. I am trying to be happy with the fact that he is well fed and healthy - even if it is from formula. There is a sense of guilt I think society can put on you for not breastfeeding. That with your own feelings can be overwhelming when things don't go the way you would like. I guess big picture - I have an amazing healthy baby boy and that is all that matters. Thanks for making me feel better.

Comment by Isaulito11 on February 27, 2012 at 11:54pm: I have a question for anybody that can respond please...... I had my baby at 31 weeks and had to exclusively pump and take to the hospital and until the last two days before going home he had his feeding tube in and would'nt really breastfeed so the drs told me to cosintrat on getting him to bottle feed then work on breastfeeding him so now he exclusively breastfeeds and now he is almost four months and I want to start going back to work and have been trying to get him to take a bottle and he just wont take it and I dont now what I am going to do?????? I have tried buying diffrent bottles I have tried pumping fresh milk to see if its just the frozen that he dosent like but none of that makes a diffrence so if I can get any advice at all I would really aprciate it....

And sorry for asking a question on your blog but I am new at this and I made a blog of my own and recived a email about putting it under breastfeeding but I cant seem to find it and I have not recived any replys on my blog that I posted over a week ago so sorry and please help.....

Comment by burp mcgurk, Star Mom on February 22, 2012 at 7:05pm: i ended up on the complete opposite end of the spectrum! everyone around me pressured me to use formula. i didn't care who thought what or why and ended up continuing to bf entirely for reasons that had nothing to do with the surprising health benefits. on top of that, i had to deal with a lot of flak for continuing to bf for reasons like i was depriving the baby of water by nursing instead of giving formula mixed with water, i was depriving him of nutrition because formula has more vitamins in it, nursing would create an unbearable, whiny and clingy baby. it's crazy how we live in the same country but being on two different coasts we had such different experiences.

Comment by burp mcgurk, Star Mom on February 21, 2012 at 6:28pm: you go mamas!

Comment by skylark97 on February 17, 2012 at 10:26am: Noelle, Heehee! Too cool that our babies have the same b-day! :D I tend to pump in the morning because that's when my supply is at its greatest. I also will wait 30 min to an hour after she's fed before I pump so that I get more. I usually get around 3.5 to 4 ounces then. You'll find that when you're at work, you'll really know when it's time to pump, too. Pumping in 2 15 minute breaks, I usually end up with 7-8 ounces of milk to take home. Also, it's hard to time things too, so if I'm going to work and baby isn't hungry/doesn't need to be fed, I'll pump before I go in. Or, on the flip side, if I get home and she's eaten in the last half hour to an hour, I'll pump then too. (You'll want to, if just to give your poor boobs some rest. Mine stung like the dickens for the first couple of weeks before I got used to and got a routine figured out.) Good luck!

Comment by Noelle on February 16, 2012 at 1:32pm: skylark97, thx for reply. (our babies have same bday!) wow, that's a lot of milk! i am pumping more, but usually after he nurses, so get about 2 oz, although last night got about 5.5 oz while he was asleep. i am eating quinoa, flaxseed, mother's milk tea...it may be helping, or just coincidence of more pumping! Thanks so much for the pumping tips for work and best to you as well!

Comment by skylark97 on February 16, 2012 at 9:15am: Noelle, my daughter will eat anywhere from 8 to 14 ounces of breastmilk in an 8 hour stretch depending on whether or not she's going through a growth spurt, and she's the same age as your son. If I pump twice at work (In an 8 hour shift...If I'm working for nine hours, I pump three times) for 15 minutes each and then pump once a day at home, whether I'm working or not, I make enough to keep ahead of her and am able to occasionally freeze some of it. My milk production really started to fall off though when I skipped pumping at home and when I tried to just do one 30 min pump session at work, though. So be diligent. Good luck!

Also, because I forgot to mention it the first time around, burp mcgurk, that feeding every time they fuss? SO TRUE! My mom, who has been fully supportive of me breastfeeding, thought I was being silly at first, but it really is about feeding them every time they get fussy. I guess for some babies that is their 'crying' for food. I just never liked waiting until I had full out screams before I did something about it. Doing that kept my supply going and helped me produce enough to keep her fed.

cp007, thanks for the tip with the mixing of the formula and the breastmilk! We'll have to try that if we need to make another attempt at supplementing with the formula.

Comment by Noelle on February 16, 2012 at 2:11am: Thank you for sharing. I am breastfeeding my 11 wk old, but worried he is not getting enough, and I am about to return to work, so more worries about pumping enough for him. Does anyone have advice on how much babies at this age eat per 24 hrs? per feeding? If I can't pump ?4 oz for each feeding, guess I will have to supplement with formula...as much as I don't want to, I don't want him to be hungry or not gain wt as he should...pumping now at 1am..he's been asleep since 930, amazing!

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