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spoiled baby?

it boggles my brain.

i spent a good amount of time worrying about that. way more than i should have. i tried so hard to not baby-wear, not co-sleep and not constantly keep the baby occupied. no matter what i did i got accused of spoiling tommy. and i stressed about it. i read somewhere that it's baloney to say that and that it's impossible to spoil an infant. it was so logical that i immediately stopped trying so hard to avoid spoiling him. which led me to realize that once again, it wasn't the spoiling so much that i was afraid of as the unknown about it. the only thing we have to fear is fear itself i suppose. i had no idea what was so wrong with a spoiled baby or even what it could possibly mean. and the people who would say to enjoy it and hold tommy as much as possible cuz it doesn't last were absolutely right.

i wore tommy as often as possible. inside and outside. to do housework. to shop. to take a walk.

i nursed him whenever he fussed, whether or not it was time for him to eat.

he rarely left my arms. if i went upstairs for shoes or a sock or to grab a toy, he went too.

i rarely showered while he was awake. he screamed so bad i just couldn't do it. i still wait to shower until he's asleep so maybe that one backfired lol.

i co-slept with him from about 6 weeks on.

and even though i never admitted it to anyone, he fell asleep in my arms when i nursed him and i held him until he woke up anwhere from 10:30-12am.

if we were home (which meant alone), i was holding him.

he started crawling at 5 months, climbing stairs at 6 months, cruising at 8 months and was full on running at 9 months. at no time did he want to be held. like ever. to the point that it made me sad because all that cuddle love was gone way before it should have. i held a friend's 8 month old today. she sat in my lap for 15 minutes. no squirming. no screaming. she was content to just sit there and be cuddled. at 8 months old all i could hope for was for him to fall asleep on me because that's the only way he'd let me cuddle with him.

he didn't expect to be held all the time. separation anxiety hit, but from what i have read/heard it's normal and his was no worse than any other toddler's. he has never needed constant physical contact. i do still nurse him, but he doesn't nurse all day long. we adjusted to bedtime and waking sessions with no hitches whatsoever. i was told if i nursed him i'd never be able to go back to work because he'd always be on the nipple. so not true i can't believe i actually believed it was a possibility. he takes nice long naps during the day while i'm working. he doesn't need to nurse to fall asleep.

funny how instead of just accepting that babies sometimes don't want to be held by strangers it's easier to just accuse the mom of spoiling the baby. like maybe after not seeing mom all day because she was at work maybe just maybe he doesn't want to be held by a stranger. maybe he's hungry because he has been running around and burning off tons of calories that he would like to eat now as opposed to later. he doesn't need to nurse, he needs to intake some calories. it's not a crime to feed a baby, particularly when said baby has always been on the underweight side.

babies are entitled to eat, sleep, cry and not be with strangers just as much as any other human being is. babies don't just cry cuz they are spoiled. even now when tommy gets upset or throws a tantrum it's because he's spoiled. he's a toddler. tears and tantrums are the norm. i'm pretty sure giving in and giving him whatever he wants so he won't cry is actually considered spoiling a child. how on earth can i be accused of spoiling tommy if i'm teaching him that he can't have something just because he is throwing a tantrum to get it.

is he spoiled? of course. he has never had to worry about having a roof over his head. he has always had a clean safe place to sleep. he has always had pets to keep him occupied if toys weren't enough. he has never gone hungry for lack of food. he has never been too hot or too cold because he wasn't being protected from his environment. he has a cushy state-of-the-art car seat to protect him in case of an accident, which also has never happened. his family loves him and wants him. he doesn't have want of any of the basic necessities of life. he is just as spoiled as i am. he's spoiled in all the ways he should be.

is he spoiled because he cries when he doesn't get his way? or because sometimes he doesn't want to be held? or because he runs to mommy when he's scared?

NO!!! (haha, a little toddler humor. see what i did there??)

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Comment by NORRIS95 on March 1, 2012 at 5:52pm: When I first brought my son home, I held him all the time. He is our first & only child since it took 16 years to have him & I am almost 40. I couldn't get enought of holding him. My dad would say I was going to spoil him but I disagree. I think giving him everything toy & gadget he wants when he is older can spoil him, but loving & hugging him as much as he needs is not spoiling. He is 5 months old now & the happiest most content baby I have ever seen. He doesn't know a stranger & smiles a everyone. He still loves to be held but can be on his own too as long as he knows where you are. I know he is still young & we will see what lies ahead but I know I can't love or hug him too much. Some day he will be embarrassed when his mom wants to do that so I will do it is as much as I can today.

Comment by MamaBer128 on February 24, 2012 at 8:25pm: I realize that blogs are considered informal writing -- but it irks me so bad that nothing is capitalized in this post!!!! (Except for the "NO!!!" at the end). Sorry for being the annoying commenter... just had to get it out there :-)

Comment by skylark97 on February 22, 2012 at 12:05pm: Thanks Barbara! That's an awesome link and an awesome idea! I'll have to try it out. :D

Comment by Barbara@Mom365 on February 20, 2012 at 6:48pm: oops - here's the link!

http://www.mom365.com/Pregnancy/Posts/2012/Jan/Make-Your-Own-No-Sew...

Comment by Barbara@Mom365 on February 20, 2012 at 6:48pm: Hi skylark97, check out our post on no-sew DIY Moby wraps. Wearing your baby when you travel is the way to go :)

Comment by skylark97 on February 14, 2012 at 1:31pm: We're trying to use an Ergo. I'm thinking it will get a little easier when she's a little older, but part of it too is me getting used to carrying her around. She's 11 weeks and around 13 pounds, but she's 23 and 1/2 inches long and getting her in there so that she's comfortable without squishing her toes is a bit of a challenge at the moment. I'm thinking when she's old enough to hip carry, getting her into the carrier will be easier. I thought about getting a moby, but put it off. I'm thinking now I might just bite the bullet and buy one. They look like fun. ^_^ We're flying out to see my parents at the beginning of March and having a carrier I can put her in will make things infinitely easier in navigating through the whole experience I'd imagine.

Comment by burp mcgurk, Star Mom on February 11, 2012 at 6:19pm: by not having a scheduled routine tommy is the most versatile happy toddler ever. case in point: his cousin's second bday party was today. guess who was the belle of the ball, resisting the temptation to tantrum and the tempation to lose his cool because he completely missed any kind of mid-day nap. tommy! so appreciate his easy-going nature today. i started with a baby bjorn carrier (up to 12 lbs)- it was a gift. i tried the knock-off version once he outgrew the baby bjorn one but tommy hated it so i invested in the moby wrap. freaking amazing. i love love love it. i still use it occasionally, but he basically hates to be restrained when he could be getting into trouble elsewhere lol! what do you use?

Comment by skylark97 on February 11, 2012 at 1:44pm: Sing it, sister! I'm all for establishing a routine with a baby, but trying to schedule them is a different story. A routine can be flexible...it can adapt to growth spurts and personality quirks and it's not so strict that it feels like you're putting your baby in boot camp. Truth is, scheduling sounds like it's all for the parents' good regardless of what is good for baby. My baby needs her sleep and her food when she needs it, and I'd be a horrible parent to ignore the signs or the crying because it didn't fit in with some arbitrary idea of when she 'should' need to sleep or eat.

I'm just starting to get into the baby wearing. Everything I've read about baby wearing indicates that if nothing else, it helps babies better socialize and develop faster. (Which when you think about it, makes logical sense. If they're laying down all the time the only really stimulating thing they see is a mobile or the ceiling.) If you're wearing them, they're watching everything you're doing and listening to everyone you interact with.) What kind of sling/carrier did you use?