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ISAYGOODDAY
BLOGGING WHILE BREASTFEEDING a friend of mine told me that a woman's body releases a hormone that makes her forget the trauma of child birth. now that i've had a baby i'm starting to think it's true. it quite possibly extends to the last few miserable months of pregnancy as well. tommy is three months old and i already almost forget what being 9 months pregnant in july feels like. and even though post-partum recovery was horrific (no help lined up when it was all i could do to lift and nurse tommy and a steel reserve to not take any meds no matter how many times i had to go up and down the steps) it's starting to fade into a distant memory. for the first few weeks i thought any woman who has more than one kid is certifiable.
it seems that the longer it's been since a woman had a baby, the less she actually remembers about babies. the worst advice comes from grandmothers and great-grandmothers. and i'm not talking 90 year olds. things like 'your (underweight) baby is hungry all the time! you need to put cereal in his bottle! at least one tablespoon!'. ummm yeahhhhh...he's 3 weeks old...i don't think so. or her other demand, which was to just give him water in his bottle. really? his grandmother refused to change his diapers saying i had more experience than her. again, at 3 weeks. really? has diaper-changing changed that drastically in the past 25 or so years? at 3 weeks i was also getting 'i can't believe he's not sleeping through the night yet!'. c'mon now. i am baby-challenged and i at least know they don't sleep through the night, especially that young. but the more people it comes up in conversation with, the more people tell me they're pretty sure their babies slept through the night within the first few weeks of birth. diaper rash must have been quite an epidemic. unless a baby had colic, no one can conjure a single unpleasant experience.
if i talk to someone with a child born within a year or so of mine, it's all about how tough babies are and lack of sleep and inability to sit and eat a meal or sneaking in a shower. endless poopy diapers and getting peed on. hours and hours of children's television programming (thank goodness for sprout!). crying the entire duration of every car ride. having to drive around the block cuz it's the only thing that keeps the baby from crying.
if you don't remember any of these things happening, then your parenting advice probably isn't going to be helpful. it is especially not helpful when you get angry and insist that you did whatever with your children and that i don't see anything wrong with them. i usually do and am too non-confrontational to point out your shortcomings as a parent. if you really feel the need to get in my face and argue about whether or not i use your advice is a personal attack on what you did when you raised your kids, then ISAYGOODDAY!
it seems that the longer it's been since a woman had a baby, the less she actually remembers about babies. the worst advice comes from grandmothers and great-grandmothers. and i'm not talking 90 year olds. things like 'your (underweight) baby is hungry all the time! you need to put cereal in his bottle! at least one tablespoon!'. ummm yeahhhhh...he's 3 weeks old...i don't think so. or her other demand, which was to just give him water in his bottle. really? his grandmother refused to change his diapers saying i had more experience than her. again, at 3 weeks. really? has diaper-changing changed that drastically in the past 25 or so years? at 3 weeks i was also getting 'i can't believe he's not sleeping through the night yet!'. c'mon now. i am baby-challenged and i at least know they don't sleep through the night, especially that young. but the more people it comes up in conversation with, the more people tell me they're pretty sure their babies slept through the night within the first few weeks of birth. diaper rash must have been quite an epidemic. unless a baby had colic, no one can conjure a single unpleasant experience.
if i talk to someone with a child born within a year or so of mine, it's all about how tough babies are and lack of sleep and inability to sit and eat a meal or sneaking in a shower. endless poopy diapers and getting peed on. hours and hours of children's television programming (thank goodness for sprout!). crying the entire duration of every car ride. having to drive around the block cuz it's the only thing that keeps the baby from crying.
if you don't remember any of these things happening, then your parenting advice probably isn't going to be helpful. it is especially not helpful when you get angry and insist that you did whatever with your children and that i don't see anything wrong with them. i usually do and am too non-confrontational to point out your shortcomings as a parent. if you really feel the need to get in my face and argue about whether or not i use your advice is a personal attack on what you did when you raised your kids, then ISAYGOODDAY!
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Comment by Ceciley Buchanan on January 4, 2011 at 9:03pm -
@ Ria the paper bag on the head yes my mother does that I even have a picture of my son when he was an infant with the piece of paper on his head too funny they mean well and yes you are right it does not work.
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Comment by Ceciley Buchanan on January 4, 2011 at 8:54pm
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Wow I still listen to my mom for advice and it is good, it is also good that she is aware of how things have changed and does not grill me about anything I do understand where you all are coming from my mother is 62 by the way. But what really gets under my skin is my friend who does not have any children grilling me with advice.
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Comment by Kassandra Smith on December 31, 2010 at 10:33pm -
i wish i could send this to my MIL..
;) I totally Agree!!
I dont mind advice from parents who are currently raising a child, but someone who hasnt been responsible for an infant in more than 40 years has outdated information. sorry, but it's true. Not saying the info is wrong, just outdated.
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Comment by stacy ingroum on November 17, 2010 at 1:22pm -
@romelyn, no need to get out of sorts, I was simply stating my opinion on baby sign language which was brought up during this conversation :)
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Comment by Shan on November 17, 2010 at 12:54am -
My first two kids are 15 years apart and from two marriages. I remember wanting to take prepared childbirth for my second child "for my husband." I mean, I realized some things would be different from 1993, but I was stunned at the number of things that had flip-flopped. Back to sleep? In 1993 that was the bona fide way to bring on SIDS or cause the new love of your life to choke and die on spit up. Only the careless moms would do it. Anyway, the whole kids-in-two-generations thing gave me a new perspective... not only about why people say stuff that sounds crazy now, but also about taking every bit of doctorly (is that a word?) advice. Each of my friends' (and my) pediatricians do things differently. I say figure out what works for your kid and if it works, don't be surprised if you, too, find yourself oversharing, lol. Those successes are sometimes hard won.
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Comment by burp mcgurk, Star Mom on November 14, 2010 at 9:50am -
lol grandma basher. i still don't eat peas and i didn't go to college you better rethink that hahahaha!! (that's a demand, not a suggestion of course lol!) i thought i was the only one that was getting really bent out of shape about getting bad advice or "suggestions". now we all have a place to vent : )
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Comment by jkkavon on November 14, 2010 at 3:11am
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So nice to talk to someone else who "gets it". Didn't want to sound like a "grandma-basher"...lol...but it's more like wishing as women we could be more supportive of each other and less judgmental. Some act like we are in a contest...against each other rather than cheering each other on. My closest friends right now are the moms who admit it's tough, laugh at the mistakes they make and offer me encouragement. It just happens to be that those same people are new moms. Otherwise, it seems like everyone has an opinion about what I am doing...and I am somehow always wrong or "silly".
No my 10 month old is not sleeping through the night and nothing is wrong with her...she is teething and, well, she's a baby! I'm not doing anything wrong either. I am not going to let her "cry it out" not because I'm against it, but because I know my baby and I think there are better ways to teach her to self soothe. For other children CIO might be the solution...not for me and my family. I am slowly introducing solids (and have been since 6 months old) because my family has a long history of food allergies and this is what they recommend in that case. I am not "holding her back". She is 10 months old...technically she has been in the world just as long as she was inside of me! She is doing just fine and reaching all her milestones. I doubt not eating peas until she was 9 months old will jeopardize her chances of going to college...he he he
I also love breastfeeding and will stop when she and I are ready. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable (by the way...I am very discreet), but maybe people should deal with their own issues about breasts before lecturing a tired mama who is just trying to feed her baby. And finally, my baby is not spoiled...I actually had a sister-in-law laugh at me because I change my daughter's diaper "every time she pees". What?!?!?! So apparently her motherly wisdom to share is to be cheap and save on diapers by letting your baby sit in her wet diapers until they are dripping. Lovely. One final note...I have noticed that the best advice I get is from people I ask...the worst from people who offer it up without me asking. Just sayin... Good luck Krystal and keep doing what you're doing. You know your little one and what he needs so block out the bad advice and listen to your heart. I'm trying to do the same.
PS: The nanny who throws out breastmilk should be drawn and quartered! Those poor working mom pumping for nothing. What a horrible woman!
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Comment by burp mcgurk, Star Mom on November 14, 2010 at 12:22am
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i meant 4 months on the solids...
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Comment by burp mcgurk, Star Mom on November 14, 2010 at 12:21am
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@jkkaavon i think you just hit the nail on the head- it's not that it's that they are wrong, it's that it's not the only way. i just got the eye roll earlier from a nanny who throws out breastmilk and gives babies formula because she thinks breastmilk makes babies fussy. she told me my 16 week old should be on solids by now. as soon as i said i read that i should wait til he's at least 4 weeks she rolled her eyes and said, over what i was saying, that she had her kids on solids right away. I DON'T GIVE A FLYING EFF IF YOU MADE YOUR BABY EAT AN ENTIRE REFRIGERATOR WHEN IT TURNED SEVENTEEN SECONDS OLD THIS BABY GOES HOME WITH ME AND I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF IT WHEN IT DOESN'T FEEL WELL AND WON'T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. people constantly tell me how lucky i am that i have such a happy smiley baby and that he doesn't really cry or fuss a lot. ya think?? cuz if there is some simple thing i can do to keep tommy from feeling like crap and it keeps him from screaming unnecessarily, i do it. respect it or get away from me. especially don't tell me that you dump breast milk down the drain for ANY reason. it is white gold and it is precious and it's my decision SO BACK OFF. ok, i'm done sorry lol! ps i gave up hot dogs too- i got the eye rolls too. like being pregnant during the summer obligates you to eat hot dogs. miss negativity here is going to bed now so she'll shut up hhahahahaha!!
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Comment by jkkavon on November 13, 2010 at 10:52pm
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Hi...I've never posted before, but your entry about grandmothers and others who had their children over a decade or more ago, was great. I have been getting THE WORST advice from mothers whose kids are grown. Like, "let her sleep on her belly, she'll sleep longer." When I explain that the recommendation is for babies to sleep on their backs to reduce the risks of SIDS...I get eye rolls. What they did was perfect, never mind the new research or recommendations.
Another example...When I didn't want to eat a hotdog at a family picnic when 7 months pregnant (because of the nitrates), I was being silly. No one said, "wow, that's great that you're looking out for the baby"...it was more like "oh stop worrying so much". Now I know some women can go overboard with all the info out there about what you should and shouldn't do while pregnant...but I was just trying to do what I thought was right for my baby and not eating hotdogs didn't seem like a huge sacrifice.
So now I don't listen to anyone who hasn't had a baby within the last 10 years. You are right, no one can seem to remember the sleepless nights, or how freakin' painful childbirth is. Everyone had clean houses and lost all the baby weight within the first year (yeah right). And no one seems to remember all the help they had...they all did it by themselves, which I have found out is not always true. One mother I know goes on and on about how hard it was for her apparently not remembering that her mother and sister took on half the work that first year (which I later found out). As someone who has no help or support...this annoys me more than anything. I tend to listen to other new mothers who empathize and are up-to-date on the latest baby news. I also am having a tough time finding a babysitter...my mother-in-law hasn't been with a baby in almost 10 years and I don't trust her to do what I'd want with my daughter (ex, she would put her to sleep on her belly thinking she knows best, putting my baby at risk). Not to say that all older mothers give bad advice...but in my experience many are unsympathetic and think that what they did is the only way to do thing.
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