i hate fruit: APPLES

APPLES

how can anyone hate apples? for starters, they are inconsistent. if i could know when i pick out an apple that when i get it home it will be CRISP and not mushy and weird, it might not be on this list. but apples are tricky. just because they look nice in their apple pyramid doesn't mean they meet my inexplicably strict edibility standards. sometimes they are only ripe on one side. sometimes they are perfectly ripe on one side and too ripe or completely unripe on the other. sometimes the other side hides awful bruises or worm holes. or rain drop burn marks. bruised fruit is just not edible. i don't know why. after hours of selecting the perfect apples ::bam:: it's mushy. no crunch. no resistance whatsoever. yuck! i never ever ever eat red delicious apples. they are always soft and mushy. up until i had tommy, IF i ate an apple, it was a fuji apple. it's not painful to pay a little extra for a fruit i eat once in a blue moon. today i was shocked at how apple-shaped the red delicious apple was that i cut up for tommy. it led me to realize that i never buy them for him. they are red and very possibly the same fruit i see in cartoons and pictures. the red apple i see everywhere is in fact a red delicious. i took a slice just to prove to myself that it wouldn't kill me and i've probable been missing out all these years because of my dire hatred of them. i was immediately disappointed. it was soft and mushy and gross. way inferior to fuji apples.

aside from the mush factor, apples have always gotten on my nerves because they aren't a simple fruit to eat at work. either you have to cut them up before-hand (and risk that weird browning thing that afflicts fruit(and renders them completely inedible. i don't know why yet, i'm still working on it), you bring a knife or apple corer with you or you just eat it as is and end up covered in apple juice. why do they have to be so messy?? then there are those obnoxious seeds that are easy enough to avoid but the area around them is weird and inedible because of it's weirdness and hardness. i haven't eaten an apple that way in over a decade and the sole reason is because the last two times i did, i tore the gums below my bottom front two teeth. something about biting into an apple seems/seemed to tear up my gums and i will not stand for it. an old coworker showed me how to pull apart an apple with your bare hands- you end up with two perfect apple halves. it rocked my world until i found out it only works on soft apples.