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and so the search for a new pediatric dentist begins.

tommy went to his first dental visit- finally. i have been hearing so much about his teeth rotting because i still nurse him at night (i brush his teeth before bed- there's no way i'm going to risk waking him up when i need to be at work at 7). the dentist assured me his teeth are a-ok. she sees no signs of decay AT ALL. yayyyyyyy! tommy was even good (gasp) during the appointment. he didn't kick, scream, squirm or refuse to open his mouth. which, of course, i assured them he would.

unfortunately, the dentist clearly had a problem with the fact that i'm a single mom.

OBVIOUSLY, if his teeth are pearly white and are not rotting or even showing signs of rot to come, i'm giving him water, like i say i am. OBVIOUSLY i'm not plying him with juice and soda, like i said i'm not doing. OBVIOUSLY, when i say i'm having a really hard time brushing his teeth I'M STILL DOING IT because his teeth are as clean and white as any mom could hope for. OBVIOUSLY i'm doing it on my own.

so why the attitude lady? she actually told me that letting him scream and cry and get hysterical while restraining him to clean his teeth isn't child abuse because it needs to be done. i certainly didn't say anything remotely close to the subject of child abuse. what does that even mean?? she told me that as long as he's screaming then his mouth is open. um, yeah, but as long as he's sreaming he's also THRASHING. i've gagged him enough to know that that is, in fact, not the way to go.

she mentioned three, four, maybe even five times that i should have someone help me at night because i should be flossing his teeth and making sure to brush his teeth twice a day. um, hello?

she was saying it in such a way that i was really uncomfortable. i don't feel like i should have to explain or say that tommy's daddy is in heaven to every single person i meet. i don't want to talk about it. i don't want to answer the same questions over and over and say that he's dead over and over. she's a freaking dentist, not a medical doctor or a therapist. we're not going to know each other on a personal level. she probably wouldn't remember even if i told her, like tommy's doctor who forgets EVERY time we are there. is it that impossible to believe that a happy, well adjusted baby could possibly come from a single parent, regardless of the circumstance??

was i really supposed to have an abortion because i can't floss his teeth by myself? really? that's what i was supposed to base a life-changing decision on? teeth? and floss and a tooth brush?

am i supposed to sleep with any guy that is willing to dedicate his life to tommy's oral well-being? just so long as there's someone to hold him down while i do the dirty work, or vice versa. any crack head will do i suppose. or i could drag my disabled father up here to do it. or i could drive to his house just after bath time just to get the deed done.

dinner? check.
bath? check.
teeth cleaned? crap.

let's get dressed and drive to paw paw's so we can child abuse your teeth clean.

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Comment by burp mcgurk, Star Mom on February 9, 2012 at 8:30pm: @dentalgirl the problem with his bottom teeth is they are too close together. the dentist said that i would def hurt him if i tried to do it on my own. which means it's not going to happen. it's hard enough to just brush his teeth. if i try the finger brushes he just chomps down on my finger. it's such a nightmare. i don't need her making me feel like crap about something i am already so stressed out about. sometime a little encouragement can go a long way. she didn't even say that his teeth were fine in a positive way. there was nothing positive from that visit except i came away knowing that his teeth aren't rotting out.

@vivane g that's a great idea! i usually don't brush in front of tommy but i think i will start. he now 'talks' on the phone and tries unlocking doors whenever he gets a hold of my keys. awesome thanks!!!

Comment by Viviane G on February 2, 2012 at 9:42am: Since I have twins, my kids are used to sharing. If one of them is playing with a toy, the other has to wait until he/she is done with it and now it's "their turn". I use the same technique with teeth brushing. First, I let them brush their own teeth, for as long as they want. Sometimes they do a good job, sometimes not. When they are done, I tell them that now "It's Mommy's turn". They open wide and let me go at it. Good luck!

Comment by dentalgirl on January 23, 2012 at 1:38pm: Thats really sad that the dentist made you feel that way! Just awful! I'll give a little advise cause my daughter was very resistant at Tommy's age too. Just keep doing it as best you can. Don't give up. Do it twice a day, even if you can only get one second of brushing in. Try one of those slip on finger brushes. Sing a fun song, or count down to ten, some kind of distraction. At this age you only need to floss his bottom front teeth, the rest are far apart enough. Try those pre strung disposable pic flossers, they are much easier than just string. Most of all be patient and persistent, this battle will not last the rest of his childhood. Eventually my daughter gave up and now happily lets me do it. When they are teething their whole mouth hurts, so brushing can sometimes hurt, don't give up momma, you are doing great!!! Brushing a child's teeth does not and should not be a 2 person job!