any advice is greatly appreciated ;)

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mommyof4 on April 16, 2012 at 7:37am

Yes, it is wrong to seek to something from another man no matter what your hubby is doing. Love does not fade of itself, it is a conscious choice.
The best advice I can give is not to seek happiness away from home - work if you must - but if you're not happy in the home then out of the home is going to make that feeling worse.
Rekindle the romance in your marriage. That is also a decision. Start sending love notes and candy along with your hubby. Make coming home a moment to remember for him (and you). Make him want to come home. I don't know where your husband goes if he travels for work during the week or what but is there a way you can meet him for a sexy night just the 2 of you? Marriage is not 50/50 is is 100% from both of you.
Give it all you got. Marriage and love is not a feeling. There are quitting points in every marriage if the couple allows them - decide there will never be one in yours.
Make him feel like a queen and eventually he will make you feel like his queen. This is not about just you, it is about the 2 of you together and for a time the 3 of you. There will be times that you won't like your husband but never let there be times that you don't love your husband.

Permalink Reply by vMom on April 16, 2012 at 12:14pm

Well said, Mommyof4. I agree 100%.

Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on April 16, 2012 at 2:38pm

I totally agree too... It's amazing how little mindless things can make all the difference.  I pack his lunch every day and packing candy here and there really makes him feel the love, I also do other little things sometimes like perfectly hanging his work uniform and set out his socks/boxers along w/ it so he's ready to go for the morning... I send text messages every so often just to let him know how amazing he is and what a great Father he is to our children.  I have noticed the more I do the little things like this, the more love and affection I get from him too... like a couple weeks ago on my way home from work he told me he made can ravioli for dinner lol, and I walk in and see the table nicely set, a huge chicken dinner, lit candles, and a bottle of wine all layed out waiting for me... it made me cry!  It's so true though that just as we want to be treated like a queen, they want to be treated like a king too!  We've had many bumps in the road along the way, but after almost 8 years together I can honestly say it gets better and better every day... but it takes working at it every step of the way to get there. 

Permalink Reply by Mommyof4 on April 16, 2012 at 2:48pm

I agree. We've been married 6 years and are more in love than we ever have been before. Bumps...yes...of course, but the good times are far more. Choose to remember the good times - the good memories, never bring up the bad from the past.
Just this morning. I put a sticky-note on my hubby's laptop before he took it too work (it simply said, "I love you, Have a nice day, xoxoxox") and I packed it up for him like I always do. I went to have lunch with him this afternoon with our kids and got a very nice greeting in return. Every little thing adds up!

Permalink Reply by Erika, Star Mom on April 16, 2012 at 8:49am

Your situation is in need of some help. One thing I always told myself, and I hope it would never come to this, is if I ever felt the need to go behind my husband's back, I would be honest with him, and we would either work it out or realize we're not working out. I wouldn't let it get to the point where I'd have an indiscretion, because that just hurts everyone more. Are these conversations with girls you know? Are they innocent? Unfortunately it's a tricky situation when you're reading his messages, he'd probably flip out if your confronted him, so unless there is concrete evidence he's up to something, you really can't say anything, maybe it's best to stop looking. 

My husband and I are pregnant with our second child. I'm just now entering my second trimester, but through the first one, we were fighting constantly, frustrated because I was sick, he was working and coming home and taking care of things here because it was so hard for me. We weren't having sex, believe it or not, it IS a big deal. Anyway, we had a huge blowout the other night,.he left (this gets personal lol) and I text him and asked him if he (well you know, wants to.....) and he came back, we had an awesome time, and we got along all day yesterday, and well stay tuned if it continues, but it seems that intimacy really can improve your relationship. 

Remember to count your blessings, knowing what you do have will make you feel happier than dwelling on what you don't. Would your husband be willing to see a therapist? Have you told him how you feel? He should definitely know, so he has  a chance to do what is right if that is what he wants. If you can't afford therapy, do some research and find a book that might help. 

I feel for you. I've been through my own share of rough patches with my husband. He's a truck driver so he's also gone for longer periods at a time. Something else I did yesterday was after my shower I did my hair, put on some makeup, I mean I really dolled myself up, so I'd feel good about myself, and I felt so confident and amazing when my husband came home from work. I greeted him at the door and gave him a kiss, had dinner ready. I'm a sahm but even if you're not going to be it's a great gesture to make once in awhile so he knows you appreciate what he does. Not saying you don't, but alot of men feel under appreciated and don't talk about it. Maybe you can get him to talk about how HE feels too. I know that can be a tough cookie to crack though. 

The winter months are ending too. I don't know if you live somewhere cold, but I get cabin fever, and when it's cold I'm a complete B- sometimes. Getting out of the house really helps me. We spent the evening at the park and went for ice cream after. It takes a lot of trial and error and effort to repair a broken relationship but if you're both willing to do the work, it will all come together. It won't happen right away, so be patient. 

Best of Luck to you!

Permalink Reply by Vica on April 16, 2012 at 9:41am

Things change a lottt

Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on April 16, 2012 at 10:20am

It is definitely not okay to be talking to other women on Facebook... or are these friends from his past, or is he meeting new women?  Now, every relationship is not perfect... things happen, things can slowly pull you both a part, but you have to work to put those things back into perspective in order to keep the relationship in tact (this goes for every relationship).  To be honest, Facebook in itself can ruin relationships... it can be a bad temptation for a lot of people and it can also cause a lot of misunderstandings. 

During my last pregnancy, my partner got in touch (started on Facebook and then they began talking on the phone) with an old high school best friend who just so happened to be a woman (he has tons of friends that are women from his past, but ALL of them have always been very respectful of our relationship and we usually end up becoming good friends too).  Well, this particular woman rubbed me the wrong way... she lived in an entirely different state hours and hours away, but she made certain comments that really rubbed me the wrong way.  I told him her contact w/ him was becoming disrespectful to our relationship and he needed to cut things off.  He thought I was trying to be controlling and refused.  So, ultimately I ended up packing up some stuff and left.  I don't have time for games like that (especially not during a pregnancy!)... although I have full trust in my partner, I am not a fool and will always keep in mind that temptation is out there and it can ruin the best of relationships.  So, he took me seriously at that point and he cut things off completely.  After that, we discussed what was crossing the line and what wasn't and that I need him to be the one to look at the situation and say 'okay, this person is crossing the line' and make the choice to cut things off on his own.  He fully agreed... we have always had an understanding from day 1 where men/women from our past are okay to keep contact with, but I can't go out there and start meeting new men, nor can he go out there and start meeting new women. 

So, anyway... I just wanted to explain my personal situation to just say these things can happen in relationships, but you have to come together and set boundaries and understanding between the both of you so the problem can be fixed and you can trust each other that it won't happen again.  I think the biggest thing missing right now in your relationship is communication, you have to be able to express the things that are hurting you or that bother you and he has to listen and try to work to fix them with you... and vice versa.  If the communication is not there, that is an even bigger problem than what you are facing right now with the whole facebook thing and you getting attention from another man.  I think in your situation you are both facing the same thing- you are looking elsewhere to get those feelings that you should be getting from each other... so if anything this should tell you both you need to stop the 'temptation' in its tracks and come together to work on this.  I swear, just one night together having fun can make the world of difference in a relationship.  Sometimes you get so caught up in the swing of things and in life in general that you forget to make time for each other.  Even if it's something as simple as making plans to prepare a big dinner together, or a bottle of wine and his favorite beer and playing cards together... and if you are lucky enough to find a babysitter, then go out and do something like you did when you first started dating...  It sounds like you both just need each other and to find that spark again. 

Permalink Reply by ravenwolf837 on April 16, 2012 at 12:23pm

I understand where your coming from. I feel the same way. But we dont have facebook accounts b/c of stuff like that. I have also tried to talk to my husband but he saids 'he has more important things to do.' and 'Give me sex.' I don't know what to do either. I'm taking it one day at a time. I wish you the best of luck and take one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by dmose on April 16, 2012 at 2:14pm

Hello.  I am sorry to hear that you are going through this, but I have a lot of "guy" friends who are married.  I find the number one complaint is that as wives, we do not make them feel "wanted"  or "desired."  Over a period of time they say women get too "comfortable" and they want to feel desired just as much as we do.  They just don't say it.  They want us to figure it out.

In addition, you might want to find our his love language.   That means give him the type of love that they need like Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service what ever they need to feel loved, etc.  This does not mean you do not love him or that you have not showered your husband with love.  It just simply means, he can't identify with the type of love you know how to give him.  Not sure this will help.  BUT it helped me.  I read a book called the 5 Love Languages.  It helped me to understand how to approach my spouse and give him what he needs so he could give it back to me.

Permalink Reply by Becoming SuperMommy on April 16, 2012 at 2:28pm

Have you talked to him?  Come clean that you're depressed, and you're worried that he's flirting with other women and that you feel like he doesn't make you feel wanted or special anymore?

Because if you don't talk to him, he can't fix anything.

Permalink Reply by Becky Simpkins on April 18, 2012 at 1:06am

Thanks everyone for the advice it has helped me out alot he's coming home Saturday and we are gonna talk about everything thanks everyone ;)

Permalink Reply by Danielle Brondsema on April 20, 2012 at 2:36pm

well i hope you can work things out. that would be great. but usually when things like that happen its bc he is too busy with someone else. just saying from my experience. but i hope thats not happening to you. good luck

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