Moms with Stepchildren

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Comment by Kasie on June 10, 2012 at 5:36pm

Hi I'm kasie. I have a 21 yo step son and a 17 yo step daughter. My step daughter lived with us up until thursday. She moved out while we weren't home and left her dad a note saying she moved in with her boyfriend and she feels like she's grown and can take care of herself but she has never worked a day in her life. I worry about her but at the same time I want her to see that she didn't have it as bad as she thinks she did here. She is the type of girl that thinks she has to have her nails done and pedicures on a regular basis. Wears miss me jeans and thinks she has to have a new pair of $200 boots once a year. I swear she has more clothes and shoes than me and my 3 boys put together but she never has enough. She didn't take her phone or her car. Which were the only things we had leverage over. Her dad is so upset and brokenhearted. I'm upset and feel like its my fault. We were getting close for awhile and then I don't know what happened she just shut me out and has done nothing but try to cause fights between her dad and I. She would only come around and be civil with me when I was going to spend a little bit of money on her. Thanks for listening. I just needed to get it off of my chest.

Comment by DanielleG on March 2, 2012 at 1:08pm

Bethany Ann, I was with him and she was pregnant and even had her before I knew it happened, I actually found out on Christmas Eve I was heartbroken because I had wanted another child when we were married and he told me that 2 was enough, that we had our boy and girl.  This woman doesn't take her to the dr. she used the emergency room so every month we can count on 1 or 2 notices from the insurance company.  Schools have even accused her of having Munchausen's there's different types it seems like shes got the one that doesn't poison her kid.  She's NEVER worked and just sits and collects child support, her house is absolutely disgusting and she's got Sarah thinking that she's always got to be there to take care of her mother.  She told Jon (her dad) that she wants to live with him but she needs to take care of her mom....sad!   Thank you, yes our son is a great blessing.

Comment by Bethany Ann, Star Mom on March 2, 2012 at 11:31am

Danielle I definitely understand where you're coming from. My husband and I met 2 weeks after he left his brief girlfriend, and he found out a few weeks later that she was pregnant but I stayed with him. So I've been in Landon's life since before he was even born. He is always coming over with lice and fleas, strep, rsv, bronchitis, ear infections. You name it, he comes over with it. Every single time, and we alternate 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, and we get him healthy and he goes home, then comes back with something else. He's only 3 1/2 right now so he's still pretty young, but it's not easy dealing with the mother (although we do get along) she just doesn't have much common sense when it comes to taking care of her kids properly.

On a positive side, i'm glad your exhusband/boyfriend were able to reconcile and that you have a beautiful baby together!

Comment by DanielleG on March 1, 2012 at 11:30pm

Hi, I'm a step-mom to a 12 yr old girl.  She's from  my ex-husband/current boyfriends fling when we were going through our divorce, yes I said divorce, but we are together again.  Now that I have Justin it's hard for me to adapt now, if that makes any sense. I love her to death and she does have developmental problems so she's actually like 8 yrs old mentally, her other handicap is her mother.  I feel guilty sometimes when I say things like "she better not be sick, when she comes over here" and that's just because I have a 11 1/2 week old baby that I don't need to get sick....there's other things, not that I have ever been mean to her and I do want to have her away from her mother who is a complete idiot, put it this way Sarah STILL can't wash her hair in the shower without being supervised and when she does shower at home it's maybe 2 times a week, when she's here for the weekend she's showered every day.  So that's a brief part of my story....

Comment by mommymanda2010 on January 13, 2012 at 11:19am

thank you sabrina and bethany you guys have a lot of gud advise :)

Comment by Bethany Ann, Star Mom on January 13, 2012 at 8:49am

I think we as mothers have more of an instinct about our children's futures. I can look at my stepson and see the road he's headed down and can figure out what needs to change to fix that. Luckily my husband agrees with me and we're able to work together. But when my husband is left alone with our daughter and his son, the rules are very lax. Not that he's not taking care of them, but that he doesn't realize how important schedules and rules are for them. Maybe your husband doesn't understand that by him not treating his kids the same way as yours, his kids are learning that they are more entitled to things, or that they can get away with things, and believe me they will take advantage of that. I do have to agree that they need their special time with their dad, since they don't get to see him very often. but they also need time with all of you as a family. They need extra stability in their lives with their mom AND with their dad's family.

I would suggest sitting down with him and asking him why he's so much more strict with your 18 month old than with his. Don't say it accusingly, just be curious about it and find out why he's doing that. Tell him that it's so important that his kids have structure especially in a life where their parents are not together, they need that feeling of being taken care of wherever they go. And him not enforcing any rules is not giving them that feeling, though he may feel like it is. It's not to say that he needs to be a strict monster and make his kids hate him. There are plenty of ways to enforce rules in a nice and even fun way, so that even if the kids get upset, they'll likely get over it quickly and they won't love him any less. I really wish you the best! I know how hard of a situation that can be.

Comment by Sabrina on January 13, 2012 at 12:22am

This is tough, more things are in play here, I really hate that u & ur son are getting this kinda treatment, blended families are so hard, if he doesn't want u parenting then maybe calmly suggest that u go stay elsewhere while kids are visitng, u don't feel like its a family unit even trying to function, especially if he shows his disapproval of ur parenting his kids..you have got to be the woman of ur house, he's the man right, well u have a role to, just like him..bottom line is just having the respect, love, & compassion for each other & calmly let him know, that's not what u or lil man is getting..the love & compassion he feels for his kids should be no different than love & compassion he feels for u & y'alls son... He does care & maybe don't like being told he don't, use another angle...say, what else can I do to help, we are a team, not just sit by the sidelines & watch all this chaos happen, not healthy environment for any of you..hope it helps..

Comment by mommymanda2010 on January 12, 2012 at 11:46pm

we dont have them taht offten anymore he just goes to his exs to see them and sumtimes he takes our son to play so i kinda see from what you said but then again hes just letting them learn to get away with stuff 

Comment by Bethany Ann, Star Mom on January 12, 2012 at 11:35pm

How often do you get your stepchildren? Could it be a feeling of guilt on your husband's part? I know that when we went to stay with my dad when we were kids, which was only every other weekend, he was lax on his punishment. I think he felt like he had such little time with us, he didn't want to waste it with us being in trouble or "hating" him for being mean. he also probably felt like he didn't have much authority with us because he had us with him so little, we were used to our mother's rules so he never changed them.

Comment by mommymanda2010 on January 12, 2012 at 11:15pm

thanks ive tried and he gets mad at me when i say they need to be punished or try to do anything about it he just says their not doing anything wrong and its everytime only once did he punish him along with me and that was when i was tring to help his son with homework and he refused to try on it and i told him he wasnt getting up until he read the story and i would help im with the words if he needed me to and he still dint do it but started cring but it sumtimes seems like they mean more to him cuz hes alwaying bitching when i wanna get my son something but its fine for him to by them something  im soo confused 

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