Dealing with Mother In Laws

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Comment by sacorra on July 31, 2012 at 9:42am

Lesmi - welcome to the page that gives you a piece of mind haha.. sorry to hear that i know how that is. the best thing you can do is hopefully soon try to move out of the house. you dont need her bad mouthing you behind her back then nice to your face. plus you dont need that stress with your baby. im happy for you and your bf!! that happened to me as well. its hard just try staying away from them as much as you can. 

Comment by Bethany Ann, Star Mom on July 25, 2012 at 9:37am

Hi Lesmi! I'm so sorry you're having so many issues with your inlaws...my best advice would be to turn the other cheek. With her acting so immaturely, she is looking for you to react just as badly so that her actions will be justified. Just continue to show her that you are the bigger person and that you don't want to fight with her. Just focus on your bf and daughter, because they are your family and they come first, and your mil will have to accept that.

One thing you could do is take her out to lunch (You treat her, she will appreciate that). Make it a public place where neither of you would cause a scene, but private enough that you can openly talk about any issues you two may have. Keep calm the whole time, even if she shows anger or says something spiteful. Chances are she is just looking out for her son and wants the best for him, the same as you would do for your daughter. In her mind, she just knows that her son went to jail "because of you." Whether or not it was your fault or his, or both of yours, her son is most important to her. So it's up to you to prove to her that you are what is best for him, that you are truly happy together as a family, and that you're not going anywhere.  No matter how that talk goes, hopefully you at least feel at peace knowing you tried your hardest. Most of all just stay nice, focus on your family! Good luck!

Comment by Lesmi on July 25, 2012 at 3:58am

Hi, I'm new to the group but hopefully someone with more experience can give me some advice on how to deal with my mother in law. Im 20 yrs old and I have a daughter with her oldest son. We live together in her house and I have truly done my best to win her over but she hasnt liked me since day one. My bf and I went through some issues during my pregnancy that resulted in his arrest and she resents me for it. His sister, at the time tried to console me and told me he deserved everything he got, the next day she was singing a different tune and called me every word she could think of on FB. My bf and I fixed things before the bby was born fortunately but there isnt a day I go by where I dont feel the hatred coming off of my MIL towards me. I thought things had changed and that she had started to like me but shes being so immature and talking bad about me behind my back to ppl that she knows will eventually blab about it to others until it gets to me. What do I do???

Comment by sacorra on March 11, 2012 at 6:11pm

agree D Rock! but does it make them feel better to say this child i held for 9months inside of me and gave birth to (lol) looks like her mommy (me). my husband was blond hair and blue eyes lol oh but somewhere on his side of the family theres someone she got the brown hair from and dark skin it couldnt of been from me even though i looked just like her... hahaha they try to keep me out as much as possible. we see them all the time live by them to, i never see my family but when i want to visit my family that i was very close to they get mad. my MIL and SIL are very jealous people!! if they could take me out of the picture they would, they even used to tell me i was never good enough for there son/brother. i bite my tongue a lot because i love my husband and i know it upsets him when we all fight, he was never even close to them himself till recently, he always has to tell me to ignore them were the better people just let them talk.

Comment by D Rock on March 11, 2012 at 12:36am

It is always difficult when it seems your side of the family is being ignored. My in-laws talk so much about how DS looks like so-and-so on their side but really he is a wonderful mix of both myself and DH. I just wish that my feelings were taken into consideration occationally...sigh.

Comment by sacorra on March 10, 2012 at 2:30am

omg its soo nice to be able to say this i already vented a little today to my sister. i love my husband dearly but our child looks JUST like me!! if i put our pictures together the only thing you can tell is daddies nose everything down to her toes. my MIL and SIL talks about how my daughter looks nothing like me just like her dad and shes going to be a daddies girl so i better not stop her from doing thing like hunting or fishing. uuggghhh i dont know why this bugs me so much. i was a daddies girl me and my husband get along so well cause we like the same things (hunting, fishing) why would i stop my baby girl from wanting to do things with her father, i try biting my tongue but after soo much of it its soo hard to not say anything..  and i see DROCK said something about they have to buy the 1st of everything. this is my time to shine and be a mother let me be the 1st!! she had her chance twice and blew it. just be a grandmother and help with stuff that we need help with!! the other day she even told me she bought diapers for her but will keep them at her house for when shes over there, really cause im not dropping my child off to who ever will watch her like she would do with her son (my husband).  that felt good!! hahaha 

Comment by Viviane G on March 8, 2012 at 4:25pm

Thank you. They have very different personalities, even if they are twins. Double the work but double the rewards (not to mention double the high-chairs, double the cribs, double the diaper changes, etc). But I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.  Well, maybe with less in-laws thrown into the mix... :)

Comment by D Rock on March 8, 2012 at 4:13pm

Agreed! Why do they feel the need to buy the firsts? Didn't they get to do that with their own baby/babies? Also my MIL's style is nothing like my own. I'm not even sure that my ILs really know me at all. They don't really try to talk to me about anything other than the baby now; is he sleeping through the night, when are you going to stop breastfeeding, when are you going to have him baptised...the list goes on and on. The only other thing they talk about is what my DH and SIL did when they were babies. Makes me not enjoy being around them at all. BTW your babes are adorable! Twins must be twice the...everything!

Comment by Viviane G on March 8, 2012 at 3:54pm

And don't get me started on the in-laws trying to appropriate baby's firsts for themselves. That just bugs me to no end. The first solid meal, the first steps, the first Easter outfit, the first Christmas gift, the first birthday card, etc. I'm sorry but these are my babies (I have twins) and these first should belong to me, the mom, not to grandma or grandpa. Not my fault if you chose to only have one child. If you wanted more firsts, you should have had more kids. I know I sound like a spoiled brat who doesn't want to share their new toy but this is the right place to vent, right???

 

Comment by D Rock on March 8, 2012 at 3:37pm

Viviane G,

It sounds like you have endured some of the same issues as us. The baby is only 6 1/2 months old and they see him more than anyone else. But somehow they always complain about not seeing him enough and not seeing me enough. I don't even see my own parents that often. My mom about once a month and my dad about the same (my parents are divorced and remarried). I have tried to set up rules but, to be honest, my MIL kinda scares me. She has a pretty sharp tongue. When Buggy was a first born and for the first couple of months she referred to him as "my baby boy". That really bothered me and when I asked her to please not call him that anymore she snapped "what baby boy". Another fun example is that my FIL came over last friday for dinner. MIL was sick so she didn't come. DS was down for a nap when FIL first got there. When bub got up, FIL called MIL so she could come down and look at him through our sliding glass door! Then she started crying because she "hasen't seen him in so long". I know that they love him and I want them to be involved in his life but this is beyond anything I have ever experienced. DH does think that they are being ridiculous but he is the good son. His whole life he has been the pleaser in his family. He has an older sister who is not going to have children we are it for the grandkids. And I am kinda old so we don't know if we are going to be able to have any more. It just seems that some people forget what it was like to be parents when they become grandparents. I am so grateful that my own parents don't act like that. I guess that's my consolation prize!

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