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Still trying to get over the C-Section Let Down
I planned everything. I was not supposed to have a C-section. Natural birth all the way. I had my daughter at the Medical Center of Arlington which I found out tht the hospital was not natural birth friendly. I was told that I scared a little boy that was touring the Labor and Delivery area of the hospital. I thought it was LABOR and Delivery not Pee Wee's playhouse. When I arrived at the hospital I was 6 cm dialated which I thought was fab because I did all of my laboring at home overnight. I didn't want to lay on my back in the hospital bed because I needed to walk to speed up labor. I wasn't allowed to walk or move. My doc did my vag exam (which hurt when he did it but not when the nurse did it) and sd I was 7 cm after 30mins. I was so happy and ready for the finish line. Then the pain got worse and because I pretty much had to argue with the nurse about my labor choice she wldnt gv me any medication. She then chkd me and sd I went back to 6cm. My doc came in sd I wldnt be able to deliver her and I needed a c-section. Me being in pain and not thinking I sd ok. I still regret this decision. I feel like a failure. I planned, took notes, read books, went to classes.. the whole nine and look where I ended up. I would understand the c-section if it was necessary but it wasnt. How do I get pass the pain?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by rosemary fontan on -
You look at your beautiful baby, and thank God that she is here and that you both are healthy. There is nothing really you can do now, you baby is here, you baby is healthy, you are healthy, why go crazy about it. These things never go as planned, I also wanted natural but different from you I didnt dialate more than 3 cm. It was a very unfortunate situation but you both are very healthy.
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Permalink Reply by MarQuita on -
She always brings me back from the sorrow. Everytime I look at her I just say, "I'm glad she's here and she's healthy no matter what avenue was taken." I just can't help but to feel unfulfilled. I know I should thank my lucky stars that I am even able to bear children... but it just doesn't make it hurt any less. I mean.. I feel great when I kiss her, hold her, nurse her.. the whole nine.. She is the best thing that has and will ever happen to me. But when I see people give vaginal birth or hear about it.. I feel like I wasn't strong enough. Thnx for your reply
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Permalink Reply by smw on -
What you are feeling is totally normal. It is normal also for a woman to mourn not having a vaginal birth. I have had 2 c-sections and have been in your shoes. My first one was because he was supposed to be a large baby according to US and ended up weighing 8lbs. 7 oz. and 19 1/2 ins. long. We did not have a cycle to go by as I am irregular due to PCOS. But it was a blessing in disguise... his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and his round head and broad shoulders was throwing off the measurements. With my second child I ended up getting pre-eclampsia at 40 wks. So I went ahead with a c-section. I have had a tough time getting over having both as I have not even got a chance to labor. I do not even know what my body can do. I got over the first c-section b/c I knew I had the option to VBAC and the second one I really have had to mourn... it has taken me 6mos. and I have my moments occassionally since then. I thought a while back that I would be crazy or anyone for that matter to want to try VBAC after 2 c-sections. And because I have had to mourn I have actually questioned whether or not I can try. So, I have done extensive research to find answers and to get closure so I can accept things better and come to terms. I am no longer crazy... there is a lot of supportive research regarding VBAC's and if you have had more than one prior c-section. We are not done having children and would like to have another 2 more. I feel like I need to give VBAC another shot as every pregnancy is different. My guess would tell me that you would succeed since you were so dilated on the next go around. I had a friend just like you start to close up after dilating as much as you and ended up in c-section. Her baby weighed 9lbs and something and had a very big head. Was your baby big? I am glad everything went ok for you and turned out fine. I hope you get another shot at a vaginal birth if you want more children.
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Permalink Reply by MarQuita on
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My baby was only 7 lbs 11 oz and Iam 5ft 7in... she was not big at all. She had alittle head. I want a little boy but i am scared. I have been trying to get past it but it sneaks up on me at the oddest times. I do need to do more research about c-section support groups. thanks for your help
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Permalink Reply by smw on
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Well, you never know what will happen next time unless you try. I was worried too about this last go around. I kept a close eye on the measurements and had many ultrasounds b/c of my chronic hypertension related to the pregnancy, so we had to make sure the baby was on track with its growth. All you can do is give it a try if your OB is agreeable to letting you and see what happens. You can always opt for c-section in the event one is needed. If you did labor and it turned out that a c-section was needed, you will feel good in the end knowing that you gave things a try rather than wondering about the what if's. Something to discuss with your OB when you are ready for #2. :)
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Permalink Reply by rosemary fontan on
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I know, and it normal, but you were strong, so strong that you went through surgery and suvived, and healed wonderfully, and are capable of trying again, c-section is not 2nd place, its the opportunity to see your baby, and knowing that anything I say cant help butjust know that a true champion is not that whojust found glory, but those who go through crisis and still shines!
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Permalink Reply by Blanca Edwards on -
I know how you feel "MarQuita". My doc told me that I was doing so well considering I was carrying twins... i was on the right path for vaginally delivery. I too went to classes and did other stuff to get ready for the very much anticipated delivery of my babies!!!! I was being monitored 4 x's a week. twice to see the positon of the babies , one over the phone and the other was to check how my cervix was holding. Everything checked "ok" till that day I had an appt and went in and didnt come back out till days after with my babies in tow. They did an emergency c-section because I had H.E.L.L.P syndrome- its more severe then preclemsia. I must say I was very very very blessed that i didn't have a stroke or anything in that nature. I ended up needing a blood transfusion and took me weeks and weeks till I felt better. My babies were born healthy.. no need of any medical attention besides the normal. After then that ordeal I felt terrible and depressed because I couldn't accept that i had them thr a c-section. I felt incomplete.. like I was robbed of something.... I would literally cry over that. Took me months to finally "let it go." and focus completly on my babies and to count my blessings again that nothing happen to us. Now after 16months that they were born I still duel on the pass and tell my self that may be on the next pregnacy i will have my baby naturally.
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Permalink Reply by Julie Beals on -
I opted for a c-section, not because I didn't want to go through labor, but because I have seen some babies have a lot of trouble with natural birth! Don't get me wrong I'm not against natural birth, but I was so nervous and so paranoid about what could happen, she could get stuck, she could get turned the wrong way and get hurt, the cord could wrap around her and cause problems, it could cause her blood pressure to go up to high or her heart rate to be in trouble! Yes I read up on it too and I was horrible when I was pregnant! I worried myself sick about what "could" happen, although no one in my family ever had problems with natural birth, I had one friend who's baby got tangled in the cord and one who's blood pressure sky rocketed and they almost lost both her and her baby! Anyway I wanted a c-section... guess it was the easy way out, but in the end I had to have one because my baby never dropped and was so high up I never even dialated! So does it make me a bad person that I opted for this...I say NO, I have a healthy baby who is happy and beautiful and I have healed wonderfully!! I hope if I ever have another baby my thoughts are not so negetive about everything, but I don't think having a c-section (which was the only option in the end) has made me any less a woman or any worse of a mother! Like someone else said you should be thankful for your beautiful baby girl (she is by the way) and just thank God everyday that she is healthy and you are able to be her mother! I may do VBAC next time, but I doubt it because of the way my body carried her I don't think the next time will be much different! But I am no less woman or mother!!!
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Permalink Reply by Mandi, Star Mom on
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As time goes on, the pain will go away. You have a beautiful baby & she's healthy. I was planning a natural delivery. I wanted to go as far as I could without any pain meds. My doctor was very pro c-section. She was really pressuring me to schedule one saying that if I waited until I went into labor on my own, my daughter would be too big. I'm 5 feet tall & my husband is 6'7, so our baby was measuring on the long side but she would have been fine had I waited until she wanted to come on her own. The worst part for me was going as long as I did & not being able to finish. I'm sure you're feeling some of that yourself. But the older your baby gets, the less it will hurt when you think about it. I live by the rule, It doesn't matter how she got here, she's here & she's healthy. I had to tell myself that every time I'd catch myself regretting agreeing to the induction & the c-section. It will get better as time goes on. Promise.
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Permalink Reply by MarQuita on
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Thank u. looking at her always makes me feel better. I realize that she is healthy and here in my arms.
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Permalink Reply by Korinne Mattingly on -
I was in your same boat. I had my little girl August 14, 2009 9lbs 7oz. I planned everything for natural birth. My mom did it that way, my sister ( who is a stick of a person only bout 90 lbs before pregnancy and after and has the lowest threshold for pain...ever!) SO of course I was going to. I labored for 24 hours without sleeping for 3 days before hand. I was fully dilated, she dropped, everything was set...no meds, just breathing. It was perfect and just how I wanted it. And then they started noticing that my contractions weren't as strong as they thought. My uterus was contracting on the top as well as the bottom (which is bad, the top is only supposed to contract to lower the baby), so then after awhile I had to have an epidural to relax the lower part of my uterus, which ruined everything they had to get an iv in me, I couldn't walk, I had to sit there. It didn't work and they had to do a c section, because I ended up having what's called Bendal's bengal...which in essence traps the baby inside of you.
I went through everything!! Just to have a C-section. I felt like a failure, I felt pathetic and that every mom out there who delivered vaginally was just mocking me after everything I went through. I had to recover from labor as well as the C-section.
But over the course of time you realize not to sweat the small stuff, just as said before the way to get over it is exactly that, let it go, move on, and realize that everything happens for a reason. You have your baby girl, she has you and both are alive and kicking. You can't dwell on what could have been, should have been, or would have been...it just consumes you after awhile. I don't know if it helped much at all. But I know I'm not a very optimistic type of person and I try everyday at becoming one. The only thing you can do is just let it go. You'll have other babies (if you want) time will go on and it's not that big of a deal, if you can move past it. -
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