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Only Child
My husband and I have started talking about if we want to have a second child. At this point we are both leaning towards no. We have one daughter who just turned a year old. The only reason that we are considering having another baby is so she can have a sibling. If we are going to have another baby I would like to start trying relatively soon. Both my husband and I will be 33 years old this year. Also, I would like the kids to be close in age. My sister and I were 5 years apart and we aren’t close at all. Part of it is just our personalities but when we were kids we were always at different stages in our lives. I’m interested in hearing from anyone that decided to have only one child and what your reasoning was. I’d also like to hear from anyone that was an only child and if you enjoyed it or wish you had siblings.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by momof08 on -
Well I am not an only child and I also got into fights with my sister, I have a brother with whom I am very close with. My husband comes from a family of two kids and he does say often he wishes he had a sister. My husband and I have eight children and I think he does see the bonds that brothers and sisters have. And my two oldest girls are good friends, as well as the bonds held by my boys. My nephew was an only child for 12 years and he would often want to come over and play with my kids. I'm thankful for my brother and sister in my life it made life fun as a child and good friends as an adult.
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Permalink Reply by MTMomma on -
Thanks for the response. After hearing stories like yours and thinking about it some more we're leaning a little more towards trying for another baby but we're still not 100% sure. We're going to give it a few months and see how we feel then. Thanks.
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Permalink Reply by KKween on
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The decision of whether to have a second child has been weighing HEAVILY on me. My husband definitely wants a sibling for our 13 month old son. We both come from a big and close family (9 between the two of us) and I would love to give our son a brother or sister....but I am in my mid 40's. I constantly get reminded by family and friends that we should get started on our second child.....because I'm not getting any younger.
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Permalink Reply by MTMomma on
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It's a tough decision. It seems like most people that I know just knew that they wanted multiple kids. For us the decision just isn't that easy. There are so many things to consider although when I break it down all of our reasons for not wanting a second baby seem rather selfish but still we want to make sure that we actually want and are ready for another baby. Like you all the family and friends asking when we're having another baby aren't helping.
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Permalink Reply by laurie on -
Kkween, after 21 years of marriage we had our 1st baby within 3 weeks of my 45 bday. Consider these things in making up your mind. The incidences of birth defects grow exponentially especially over age 40, both due to the age of your eggs and your husbands age. Also as you both age the ability to become pregnant can be a major problem over 40. If in doubt I suggest you harvest eggs and sperm now just in case. Only you know your family dynamic and what your energy/commitment levels are currently and going forward. There is always foster parenting and adoption, in some areas you can provide a weekend getaway once a month to children in state group housings like boys town. I had an excellent pregnancy no complications, other than failing all my blood tests for birth defects. I'm happy to say my son is just fine and a miracle of God. My husband is from a very large family, I see the benefits to both large and small families.
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Permalink Reply by KKween on
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Thanks Laurie. Congratulations on having your son at 45. Being in similar (age) circumstances, are you planning to have a second child? If not, will you and your husband be considering foster parenting or adoption? A healthy child at any age is a miracle. Having failed all your blood tests for birth defects, weren't you petrified?
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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I was an only child until about 9 years old. To be honest, I kinda gave up hope on the possibility of any siblings b/c my parents divorced when I was 7 and since they were already in their mid 30's and just trying to get over the divorce it just didn't seem likely for any siblings in the future. But then my Dad met my step mom when I was 9 and they were marreid within 6 months- she had 3 daughters who were 13, 15, and 18 at the time. I was ecstatic to finally have sisters! Then, my Mom became pregnant when I was 9 (she never re-married, but was in a very serious relationship), so I had a baby brother. I later found out (when I was 15) my Father had a 'mystery love child' that was born literally a month before my 1/2 brother was born (my step mom was fully aware of this pregnancy w/ another woman when they first met, my Dad was very honest so she knew what she may be getting into). It was quite a lot to take on (especially having been an only child for 9 years) but I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world. My life is so much more fulfilled, especially because now we are all older with our own kids and get together for playdates so our kids can remain close (they have a blast). And my 1/2 brother and 1/2 sister are now graduating highschool this year... I was closer to my brother b/c unfortunately my 1/2 sister never really got close to us b/c she lives in another state. So, with my brother I was always like a little mommy to him- we have been through so much together and I would like to think I am somewhat of a mentor to him nowadays... plus he has helped me so much too- for example when I was pregnant with twins he helped in so many ways... and in general he's just got a huge heart and always wants to help out every which way he can. I feel so grateful to have experienced siblings in my life... even though they ultimately came as a result of divorce, they are all such a blessing in my life. I just have been on both sides of the fence- an only child for 9 years, and then the bonus of 5 other siblings for the remainder of my life... and I can say I do not miss the feelings of being an only child at all :)
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Permalink Reply by MTMomma on
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Thanks for your reply. It makes me think we don't need to be in such a hurry to have another baby. It's good to hear from people who are close with their siblings eventhough they aren't close in age.
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Honestly, don't feel like you have a time line... in due time when you know you are ready you will make that decision together and feel sure about it, or who knows you may even get a surprise along the way... or you may decide it's just not in the cards for your family at all to have another baby, but regardless certainly don't feel rushed to have a baby.
We have twin boys (19 mos.) and a 6 year old (she'll be 7 July 7th) and they just adore each other... as close as siblings could possibly be!
And if it makes you feel any better at all- my Aunt just found out she was pregnant (she is 41, and my uncle is 53)... she has a 13 year old son, and my Uncle has a 19 year old son from previous marriages. The Dr's say it's pretty much the norm nowadays to see pregnant women in their 40's and they have enough technology and health information to make sure it's a smooth pregnancy every which way they possibly can. So, don't feel bad about your situation at all if you choose to wait :)
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Permalink Reply by Tara Silver on -
I too go back and forth about a second child, my little boy is 14months. I lean towards having another as I want him to have: someone to play with, someone else if god forbid something happend to us, happened to him, as we get older he is not solely burdened ... I have seen it too much before working in the healthcare profession and experiencing it with both of my parents being only children and struggling with their aging parents. The reasons we think about not having another are all the same reasons as you. We are happy, comfortable, I am enjoying every stage as he grows, and he is a really happy, healthy, and easy going little dude and I can't be that lucky twice. All that said deep down I think I want one as I keep catching myself saying 'when we have another' ... There is no rush and close or not close in age kids can still love each other and be very close. Long story short I understand your contemplations.
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Permalink Reply by KKween on
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You make a great point about not concerning oneself about the age gap between kids. That said, if I were to have a second child I would like them at least 4 years apart.....which will put me very close to 50. I too count my blessings that my son is healthy. Like you, I ask myself can I really be that lucky twice?
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Permalink Reply by Heather Rice on -
My husband and are perfectly happy only having one child. However it has been a little 'annoying' having to hear negative comments from people who find out that we don't plan on having another baby in the future! I mean someone actually told me that they feel sorry for my child, after hearing that she was going to be our only because she wouldn't have anyone to play with and would grow up spoiled!!!
I know this doesn't help answer your question or anything, but I def do not see much merit in the time old arguments of an only child growing up to be spoiled and self involved... why? ...The way children are raised they seem to be turning out that way with or without siblings haha... So I think its more important what kind of a parent you are than as to if the child has a sibling. Also the other reason I sort of think the arguments against a single child are a little out dated, is due to the amount of social life children now have. It used to be that a child's playmate was primarily their sibling, but now we live in track homes with tons of neighborhood kids and more disposable income, most kids are involved in camps, sports, after school activities etc that give them access to lots of friends :) So the only advice I have is to not listen to the negative nancy's out there trying to make you feel like a bad parent for considering only having one child, and do what YOU WANT. Do you and your husband want to share you love with another child? Do you feel compelled to bring another child into the world because you really want to? Or would you be doing it for a 'clinical' reason (ex. a study citing how it would be more beneficial to provide a sibling for your current child) Do you feel like your family is already perfect and complete as is? That to me should be the main factor in determining you decision :) Best of luck and in the end no matter what decision you guys make, love is all you need to make it the right one ;) hehe
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