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Women who lost Children
I am just wondering how do women deal with the loss of a child. This is my first time EVER loosing a child like this!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on -
I'm so sorry for your loss. Did you lose a pregnancy, or did you lose an infant to SIDS?
I've had several miscarriages, and lost a daughter to a fatal skull defect. The pain never goes away, but you learn how to be happy again. It takes time. Be easy on yourself.
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Permalink Reply by RestinLoveJJ on -
On march 30th 2012 5 weeks after he was born. I woke up. My baby slept beside me that night. I ha dhim prop up on his pillow he slept on and my husband was on the other side of me and he woke and scream "oh my god the baby" his lips were completely bluish purple looking and we both grab him and looked to see if he was breathing and he wasnt....I completly LOST IT and starting screaming and called 911. I got to the hospital they said they couldnt save him, yes they ruked it out as SIDS! I dont get it bc my son was conjested that whole week, I had to always suction his nose and keep a humidifier in the room. His pediatrician when I took him to her said he was fine. I took him to the ER 3 days later they said bc he was so young its nothing they could do. just keep him prop up on a pillow at night. I had just laid my son down at 2:30 that morning and at 6: 42 am that when my hub woke and saw him laying next to me with his lips blue........smh
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on
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That's heartbreaking. I'm so sad for you and your husband...
Have you looked into any bereavement groups in your area? If you call the hospital, or your son's pediatrician, they might have listings of a group that meets in your area. With my losses, I always felt better after talking to somebody who had been through something similar.
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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I am so sorry for your loss... Here is a poem that maybe you can find some comfort in.
What Makes a Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here
He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillows where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home
they'll be at the gates for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth
May not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are
A Special Mom
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Permalink Reply by tkowatch on -
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my twin girls due to preterm labor when I was 21 Weeks pregnant. That was going on seven years ago and while the pain and hurt never goes away, you find ways to cope and find some peace. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my girls and miss them so much. I myself find comfort in thinking they are watching over me and there baby sister. Does it ever get easier? In some ways yes. Find a good support system if you have not already. The hospital where I delivered my girls has a group that gets together several times a year that is just for families that have lost babies. Support from people who truly understand is honestly what kept me going.
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Permalink Reply by Angel on -
The pain never goes away, it does get easier as you find ways of copeing, I celebrate my sons birthday every year and I release balloons on his angelversary. Find a support group in your area or on Facebook, I am a member of grieving mothers and I went to compassionate friends both helped more than I could say... Stay strong it will get easier
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Permalink Reply by Diana Light on -
My heart breaks for you, your story is so tragic and so unfair. Unfortunately, your loss is now a part of you in the same way your sweet baby defined you. You are not alone in this pain, and though I wish you didn't have to know this incredible empty hole, those of us who have had to lay our babies to rest are here to help you walk this journey now. It is a long, painful and powerful path that lies before you, but there is some beauty in it along the way that hopefully you will be able to see in time.
We leaned heavily on our support groups, and I would be so very happy to help you find one in your area or on-line, whichever you feel more comfortable with. I honestly do not think either my husband or myself would have endured our loss without the support of these strangers who became life lines. Please feel free to contact me personally if I can help you in any way (diana.light@gmail.com).
In the meantime, a few things as your loss is so recent, know you are still battling the pregnancy hormones, and that will make this time even harder. Some things that helped me early on - I wrote letters to my sons (I am not much of a "journaler" but it had the same affect.) It gave me a way to "talk" to my boys, to voice my grief and honor them in some way. My husband and I wrote them notes and kept them in a jar near our bed. I also made a scrap book over our first year. Whatever makes sense to you to memorialize your sweet boy, that is what you should do.
You and your husband are in my prayers. What you are going through is just impossible, please know you are not alone.
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