Just yesterday everything went all to hell for me. I started talking to one of my old friends (alexis, A GIRL) and my boyfriend was all for it bc honestly, he has been the one keeping me away from my friends, and he ADMITS that, and tells me how sorry he is. Well he was supposed to work at 6 the nxt day and we woke up early. He makes other plans to go to his dads house. It kinda made me mad and when i tryed to question him about why we wasnt going he says he has other plans that we would go after he gets off that night. What was the point in going at night time when he has to work at 4 the nxt day i atleast wanted to go when we would have plenty of time to spend over there to hang out. Well this all started a fuss and now we are going down hill from there. We been fussing and fighting and he keeps asking me what we should do so i tell him idk. He says i dont give him time to his self. when really im the only one who takes care of our 2 month old baby bc whenever he has days off and he has freetime, he spends it on playing softball. Hello,,,, Who should be the one taking time to their selff. I honestly dont think it should be him. I love him but idk how much more i can take. Im scared bc he always threatens me with my daughter talking about how he is going to take off with her. I dont think its right for him to say that. That kinda shit makes me want to sleep with my eyes open. I dont really trust him with that. I just dont know what to do anymore. I want my baby to have her father in her life and ive been trying to deal with it, but my time is just running out. Im going insane and i know for a fact if anything happens between us, his mama will try to step up and prob beat my ass. idk. Im not here to start trouble, all i want is whats best for my child and i dont know how much longer me and him will last.
He never gives me the keys to my car to go be by myself, he always is the one that gets to leave and do what he wants to do. He tells me i keep him away from his brothers and honestly, thats not true at all. I dont ever get to go any where. He tells me to pick up more hours at work and he calls out most of the time. I dont feel like i can do this by myself. What should i do? Please help me.
It kind of sounds like you are already doing it by yourself, right? You have a newborn, which is hard on most relationships, and lots of men just aren't that interested in tiny babies. But he's a dad now and he needs to start taking some responsibility, going to work on time and every shift, and coming home at night to help you out. Of course you both need breaks and time to yourself. Can you make some sort of agreement about each of you gets a night out a week with your friends? Are you able to ask your MIL to babysit so you two can go out together sometimes too? It can't be all about the baby, but right now a lot of it has to be, because she needs so much.
yeah we atleast get one day out of every week to do us. But he says he needs time to hisself and im the one thats not letting that happen when its never occured to me that we were that bad off. I just dont get why he needs time when i should be the one needing timeee.! you knoww?
I've been with my husband for 5 years now, and thankfully we finally have each other's needs pretty figured out, and we know how each other works and what makes us upset, etc. That's something that is very important to know, and it can take time. I am a stay at home mom to my 4 year old stepson, 2 year old daughter, and am 35 weeks pregnant with my second daughter. Twice a year all the girls in my family have a weekend girls trip, so I always go to that. Whenever possible I make trips to the store by myself and honestly that's a vacation in itself lol. I don't need much time on my own, but when I do, I need it or I start to fray and get cranky and snap at nothing. He has realized this and is able to halfway anticipate my needs (and listens when I tell him). Likewise, he works anywhere from 40-80 hours a week as an Engineer, and his job is very mentally demanding. So even though he doesn't have a lot of time at home, I know that he also needs his time to grab a drink with his buddies, go golfing on a Sunday, or just something stress-relieving. It took a while for me to understand that, because I felt like he needed to be home when he wasn't working because we don't get a lot of time together. If i worked all week, I'd want to spend all my spare time with my family. But he's not me, and he has different needs.
The point of me telling you a bit of how my husband and I handle things...is to tell you that you and your boyfriend are not the same. You both need to figure out what the other needs, and find a compromise on how to meet those needs. You have to be willing to give him the space he needs, and likewise he needs to understand that you need to have a day with your girlfriends, or whatever it is you want to do on your own. Having a newborn is very exhausting mentally and physically, so you need that time to regroup and collect your thoughts, so you don't go insane.
I'd suggest sitting down with him one night and talking about it. Without getting into a fight, and tell him that you know he has needs, and you hope he understands that you do too, and that you both need to find a way to meet both of your needs. I really hope things work out for you...and if ultimately they don't, know that you are making the best decisions for your baby and that is what is most important!
First off, the newborn stage can get pretty tough... in my experience, that was definitely the hardest stage in raising my kids. So, it can definitely take its toll on a relationship. It's new to both of you, and you are both learning the new schedules and basically the needs that use to just be about you and him, have now shifted to being all about your baby. It's a tough transition, that's for sure. The best thing to do is communicate your thoughts and feelings, and get him to do the same. From there, you can hopefully work it out and meet both of your needs during this time. I know it feels like it's all on you, but the truth is... a lot of men find it very hard to find their place as a Father during the baby stage. He will slowly find his place, but give it time and show him how he can help and include himself. You both definitely need time to yourselves, and time together. It's very important not to lose 'yourself' in being a parent. Yes, it's all about the kids, but you are still human and still need to feel like you have somewhat of a life outside of just being 'Mom' or 'Dad'.
I know some things you mentioned a concern about... like him threatening to take your daughter, taking the keys to your car, and not working. These are separate issues that should be addressed with him. No one should tell you when you are/aren't allowed to use your car. He should not be using your daughter against you as a threat... I am sure this is in the heat of the moment, in a fight. Perhaps when this happens you could calmly end the fight right there and walk away. Later on, go back to him and try to sort it out explaining how hurtful this is and you would never say or do those things to him. The responsibility of being a father comes with financial responsibility as well... him missing a day of work could mean you can't pay this or that, or your daughter goes w/ out? Who knows, but he has to understand that part of taking on the responsibility as a Father is providing financial stability too... he can't do that if he's not working. Hopefully he will realize this.
I see all the replies about you working on the relationship and I see their point. What I am going to focus on right now are the red flags I see in this message. I could be wrong and please let me know. I am more concerned with the fact that you dont trust him when he says he will take your baby. The fact that he has been keeping you away from your friends and the fact that you say his mother would probably try to beat your ass if you anything happens. To me it sounds like your situation is unhealthy and your bigger problem is not that you get to spend free time on your own but rather that you want to leave the situation.
No one can tell you to leave or stay. But I would like you to evaluate your situation if it is what I think. look at what is healthy for you and your child , is this an environment you want your baby to grow up in. What good is it to have a father in your life if what the child is going to see if negativity. Remember he can be in her life, even if you two are not together.
Stop doubting yourself m when you became a mother it requires that you find strength you never knew existed within you.
youre a woman and a mom, you can do anything you put your mind to. i'm kind of in the same boat, i have 2 kids one from my previous fiance and one from my current. we both work, he has 2 jobs, i have 3, 2 full time and one part time ( i also recently started my own business that i do in the little spare time i have) my youngest son is 10 months old and my current fiance hasn't done anything, he goes and hangs out with his friends while i'm at home with the kids. when he is home hes asleep while i take care of the kids. he'll be gone soon, not that he knows it. i have a plan and i am preparing for it. i have some things to take care of and then i can do it on my own. i did it on my own for three years with my oldest son before he came around and i am ready and willing to do it again if need be. talk to your family about it and see if they'll support you, and when your ready file with the attorney general in your area, if you can get his mom on tape (or him) threatening you go file a restraining order when you file for child support. i get along very well with my oldest sons dad and his family. the n=more civilized you can make it the better for your baby. and the happier you are the better off you and your baby will be.
he sounds like a control freak :(