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unruly son....sending him to be with his father.
I am a mother of three...10/b...8/g... and 18mths/g. I very recently made the desicion to send my oldest to be with his father. Now....I'm not proud to say it, but all 3 of my babies have different dads. I rently got back together with my oldest daughters father who love all 3 the same. He right now is upset with me for sending my sonwith his dad. My reasoning for it is as follows. He is a very angry child. I know its from all I have put him through. He fights and is violent towards his sister. I can't control him and he is almost as big as me. If you can imagine, just turned 10 and wears 8 1/2 mens shoes! I recently found out from my oldest daughter 8, that's he has inappropriately touched her on quite a few occasions. Now my biggest fear is if he can do that to her and she can talk, what could he do to my baby. Now big question. Am I a terrible mother for not wanting him with us?? I love him sooo much but I can't do it anymore! Help me!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on -
I'm sorry that you're in this position, but sending him to live with his father isn't going to fix the problem. It sounds like your son has severe emotional issues. Also, for a boy that young to be inappropriately touching his sister makes me wonder if he learned that behavior from somebody doing it to him.
Whether he's with you or his dad, he needs to be seen by a psychologist. He needs therapy to figure out what is causing these behaviors, and how to fix them. He sounds like a young boy who is crying out for help. It's up to you to get it for him.
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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I don't exactly know if the answer is to send him to his Father... it may actually make matters worse (psychologically). I would suggest taking him to a psychologist because there is obviously some very heavy things weighing on him that could potentially scar him for life if they are not sorted out now. It is a very normal and helpful thing to seek an outside specialist like this. When my parents divorced at 7, I saw a psychiatrist until I was 14 years old just to deal with the anxiety from my family separating. It helped me tremendously, and I am such a better person to this day for it! I think your biggest fear right now should be not only how he is physically acting towards his siblings, but also how this could potentially escalate with other children or people as he gets older (and stronger). And Jen makes a very great point in questioning where he may have learned this behavior, I think you need to get to the bottom of this... and the longer it gets pushed under the rug and not sorted out the harder it is to fix. With him moving to another place with his Father, the same behavior and problems will follow. He needs someone to talk to (a specialist who has dealt with behavior like this before in other children) who can help him and get to the bottom of it.
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Permalink Reply by Karen I. Wilcox on -
It's very sad that you a
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Permalink Reply by cheyenne on -
Sending him away will only make him more bitter towards you,you have to handle him hands on. Spend more one on one time , talk to him find out The problem. You cant be scared, no matter what his size is that is your child.
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Permalink Reply by Sherri on -
If you are a woman of faith pray and ask God for help. Spend more one on one time together just you and your son. Do surprise visits at the school and have lunch with him. Sit him down and talk to him. Have family day and discuss issues invite dad. Just a few suggestions.
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Permalink Reply by EastTexasMommy on -
We had similar probs with my step daugter. She stoop up and man punched my husband in the face. We took her to councelors and physc dr's and their suggestion was spank her and worse cas send her to her moms. Once her mom grew up some, we had no choice for the safety of the babies. She is doing much better. Not as much hostitility.
I can't say sending him to dads was bad. Have you discussed these concerns with his father? Not pointing the blame anywhere but these are usually 'learned' behaviors. It needs to be top priority and delt with asap. I took a cousin away from her grandparents (her other side of family no relation to me) bc her 1/2 brother was touching her inappropriatly. I tried to tell them he needed help. They were mad bc I took their grandaugter and weren't concerned with these 'crazy' things. A few years later he exposed himself on the bus and touched a young girl on multiple occasions. He is still in prison. You have the power to interveen and get him some type of help. There is a cause or starting poing to this and I would be just as curious to why/how he learned these behaviors. Good Luck. There is NO SUCH thing as a bad kid.
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