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Too much for one title. Relationship help please!
But when I started to show he got protective of me and what I'd do.
When our daughter would kick I would want him to feel it when he could. (He works a lot). But it didn't seem like he wanted to. But he did like poking my belly and talkin to her. And sometimes he would rub my belly. But Him not wanting to really feel her bothered me.
Now she is about to be 6 weeks old. I FEEL LIKE A SINGLE PARENT!
He works a lot bein in the oil field and when he comes home it's like he wants nothing to do with her. When he works nights he comes home, eats, sleeps, shower, and back to work. It's like he's barley home so I understand that part. But when he's workin days he is home more. So when he comes home he plays his game on the computer or finds something to fill his time. He don't hold Dixie unless I hand her to him while I have to do something! It makes me so mad! He don't feed her, change her, play with her. Nothing. If I get him to hold her he will for a bit, then if she starts squirming he gives her back.
I'll have to tend to her while making dinner. I can't take a long shower even when he's home! I always have to hurry incase she starts crying or something.
I'm the one who is always up with her during the night. Even when he's on days off. It's all me. And those days its just go, go, go! I feel so stressed! We have no family where we live cause we moved from north Texas to south Texas for work. So I'm alone. Our parents can't always come visit cause they have work to too.
I know this is long, I just need advice!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by jirah on -
I had kinda the same problem not so much of my husband not wanting to hold them I had twins by the way but he wouldn't change them or play with them right away and they missed him because he was at work all day and I know he's tired but being a stay at home mom we get tired too we work all day and like I told my husband he gets to enjoy a quiet lunch so what helped me is talkin to him and making him understand that you feel alone and even if it's just a little effort at first let him know how much you appreciate it even if it's letting you take a 30 min shower cause that is soo relaxing hope it helps
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Permalink Reply by Natasha on -
I know his job is hard. But mine isn't easy either! And he don't understand that. Yea I stay at home all day, but that don't mean I'm sittin on my rear all day! I make sure his work clothes are done, the house is clean, and we have dinner on time when he gets home. All that on top of taking care of Dixie. And lately she isn't sleeping during the day. Maybe an hour nap and a few 5 minute ones. But not much. So I get worn out too.
He's the type who is hard to talk to. And sometimes I have trouble coming up with ways to say stuff without sounding like a bitch...
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Permalink Reply by Natasha on
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One other thing I forgot to mention, it seems like he pays more attention to our two cats more than he does me or his daughter..
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Permalink Reply by samanths hines on -
ohh my gosh had this problem also he walked in saw our dog and was like hi lucas hi petting him all excited than less enthusiastic hi to the baby and completley monotone hi to me and a piss poor kiss like you give to your grandma ...all this did get better in time though it took us awhile to get over this rough patch
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Permalink Reply by AzMomma on -
That sounds so hard! My husband would love for us to move to south Texas so he could run oil. We would make so much more money. What stops me is thinking of being alone with two small kids and no friends. I have thought about what that would be like a lot.
I'm sorry you don't have the support you need
I will tell you no matter where you are and who you have to help you, 6 weeks old is one of the hardest times with a baby. I had plenty of help with my girls from my husband and still felt like I was doing it alone. He would have to take a job sometimes that would have him out for a week and It was up to me to do everything. Now my girls are 3 years and 10 months and it is much easier. It will get better for you. She will sleep more and be way easier to take care of before you know it.
Your husband also may need her to get bigger to be comfortable with her. It doesn't come so naturaly for some men. Maybe you should try to link up with some groups in your area? Even a storytime at a library. Something to get you out of the house and in touch with other moms? I bet you're not the only mom living near the oil fields who needs someone to talk to. I wish you luck Natasha.
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Permalink Reply by mcmom on -
I agree with AZMomma - some men are genuinely afraid of holding a baby or changing a diaper. If they did not grow up with a male role model that held a baby, then they are even less inclined to participate in that part of your child's life. He is missing out - and frustrating you too. Try start with him holding her for a few minutes and then gradually increasing over time. Tell him that you too were nervous about holding the baby in the beginning or describe to him how you do it while he holds your baby. Get the camera out to take pictures of him with her. Tell him it is for the baby book. Little by little increase the time. Set up an area in the living room where he can lay her down and sit next to her at first. He did not mind talking to her in the womb so he probably won't mind talking to her while she is laying next to him on the floor. If he is afraid of her squirming this is an easier way so since she is on a blanketed area of the floor - he won't have the fear of holding her incorrectly. Set him up with a bottle and a toy too. Best of luck.
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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OH I second that... the newborn stage was by far the hardest!! I remember crying my eyes out at times b/c I felt like I could never catch a break, but that is now all behind us thank goodness!
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A lot of men really don't know their place or the proper ways to care for a baby that is so tiny. You can teach him though... when she cries, tell him she is crying for her daddy, or crying for daddy to give her a bottle, or crying b/c she wants daddy to rock her to sleep, etc. When she needs to be changed, ask him to change her. When it's time for bath, ask him to bathe her. It's amazing b/c women get this natural instinct literally overnight, but for men it sometimes takes much longer to understand the wants and needs of a baby. I went through the same thing w/ our first (daughter), and our 2nd (twin boys)... I basically had to tell their father what he needed to do and what I needed help with during the baby stage. Now, he's a like a pro at it... sometimes he even does things much better than I do (the kids are now 7 and 2 years old though). Just give him time, and show him how to care for the baby... when he gets on the games, call him to come help. He will learn how to care for his baby, and she will no longer cry for just you...he will begin to bond w/ her and see that she needs daddy too.
Also, talk to him... tell him that you need him and his daughter needs him too. Boost up his ego if you have to, tell him he's the man of the house and your protector and you both need his help and support not just financially, but physically and emotionally too.
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Permalink Reply by mrsshon on -
All that has been stated by the other mothers is true...remember also that men show their feelings differently than we do. He may feel that by providing for you all that he is showing that he cares.
Also may when the baby begins to cry when he is holding her, you shouldnt rush to take her from him. he also has to get used to being a father
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on -
Sometimes men take longer to connect. At 6 weeks old, your baby doesn't do much but sleep, eat, cry, and poop. A lot of dads don't connect to their kids until they start to get reactions like smiles, laughs, and coos. Some take even longer and don't really bond until they can play together.
It's unfortunate, but some men aren't wired to be super dads right off the bat. Hopefully some day he'll wake up and realize he's missed out on enough already.
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Permalink Reply by Natasha on
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With him always at work makes him miss out more. And that makes me sad.
But she's started smiling and cooing. And she smiled at him. Which made him smile. And made me happy!
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Permalink Reply by samanths hines on
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I moved 2300 miles away from my family and my husband never helped at all really I breastfeed and when I would wake him up to change a diaper or anything really he was like what do you want me to do. He would come home from work eat and fall asleep I felt so alone I will say though that the relationship got close around 15 months now they are super close he helps alot! I think some dads feel as though they are not needed babies need mommy more than daddy at this age and they feel left out. Also maybe in his own way he is still having problems with the miscarriage maybe he is scared he will loose this baby also even though she is here already maybe he is just scared.
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