Mom365 Community
Not sure if I should leave my baby's father.
When i was pregnat, the first two months he was not there for me because he was with one of his ex. Before i had gotten pregnat he would cheat on me all the time. When i was about two to three months we had got back together and he had told me that he wanted to be a family. The day that we had first heard the babies heartbeat, that same night i had seen text messages on his phone telling his ex that he missed her and also talking to some other girl he had cheated on me before with telling her that he loved her. Of course since thinking of my daughter i chose to stay with him. Well a couple days ago i had found out that hes been cheating on me since february. He was talking to girls about having sex with them. Now i dont know what to do, Im tired of his lies but i dont want my daughter to be without a dad. When i talk to him about leaving he says that he never wants to talk to me no matter if its about the baby that when i bring her over just to drop her off and leave. He has a serious temper though so how should i trust hom? Hes even laid his hands on me and the baby. What should i do?
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by francine on -
report to the cops that he has put his hands on you and the baby and leave him. even if you dont press charges you are going to need it on file... try to have evidence like pictures of the bruises...try to make sure all he gets if anything is supervised visitation. if he would put his hands on the baby he should not be around her especially if there isnt anyone there to make sure she is safe from his temper.
-
Permalink Reply by Monique gutierrez on -
I say do what's best for you and that baby, of course you would love to have your daughter be with her biological father but if her mom is not happy then that really destroys a kid. Kids have a deeper relationship with there mother than there father due to us hvaing to be with that baby from the very first day it has been conceived. Sometimes it is better for you and your child to not be in an unhealhty relationship and have your daughter see you deal with a man that obviously does not care about your feelings, and have you thought about your daughter seeing this and growing thinking its okay to deal with a man like this. It sounds like yuo would be better off by yourself, it always easier said than done but in all reality you know what you need to do and stop letting your heart think for you. Best of luck to you and the baby, you will be in my prayers.
-
Permalink Reply by Dee on
-
I think you already know the answer. I think the real question that you are wanting the answer to is "How should I leave him?" It doesn't seem like your child's father is all that concerned about you or his child anyway. Every relationship has it's issues, but the characteristics that are really important to sustaining it is trust and respect-two characteristics he has clearly shown that he does not possess in regards to you and your daughter. He knows that you love him and that you don't want to be alone, so he feels like he can speak to you and do whatever he wants because you're not going anywhere. It's tough when you think about this beautiful human being (your baby) that doesn't deserve any of this foolishness going through all this and that's what would make you try harder to give her a family with her father and mother. I have always been told that your children sense things. I don't know how old she is now, but at some point you will be teaching how she should be treated by the way you allow yourself to be treated, good or bad. If you believe in God, I would pray about the situation, ask for guidance and strength on how to handle the situation and development tough skin to handle what your child's father is going to try to do to you. Give it to God. Once you walk away, don't turn back because I'm more than sure he's going to start trying to appeal to your need or want to be a family. Please do not have sex with him. Him playing around with all these women opens you up for diseases and the chance to have another baby with him. It's going to be harder to move on if you have two. That's all I have to say. Be smart about your life and your daughter's. I wish you the best.
-
Permalink Reply by Rachel on -
If he's laying hands on you, you do need to atleast get it on file. Just in case it gets more serious down the road and you need to file for a restraining order or sole custody. Think about your daughter and how miserable you are now. Do you really want her to see a man treating her mom like that? and think that its ok so she ends up in the same kind of situation? Kids learn from their parents what is and is not acceptable behavior. Even at a young age they are learning how to properly interact with people. I would rather my daughter see me as strong independant woman (even if it means I'm a bit on the lonely side) who demands better treatment. Rather than a weak pushover who takes the abuse. I have a friend who's daughter is 4 months older than mine. Her baby's dad is a dead beat and recently had assualt charges filed against him ( not from her). She left him before she knew she was pregnant and chose not to go back just cause she was pregnant. She has a man that has been with her almost the entire pregnancy and accepts the baby as his own even though she's not. You can find a good man out there. Let your baby girl grow up in a loving environment instead of one filled with doubt and anger. Teach her that it's ok to stand up for herself. Be strong mama! That man isn't worth keeping.
-
Permalink Reply by Jessica Hernandez on -
i think that you should just leave him. hes basically making you look like a fool. and he probably doesnt take you seriously. he might be thinking, "oh, i can do this because shes not going to leave me" hes probably confident that you wont do anything about it. a man isnt everything, yes its true that your baby needs a father, but you said he has a bad temper, right? why are you going to wait around for him to blow up or something. trust me, ive been there, just think about it, you can probably do iton your own.
-
Permalink Reply by madolyn espinoza on -
yes i agree with everyone, like jessica said he probably just thinks you wont leave him. but, definitely leave him! you obviously care about your baby and i know you want your baby to have a daddy but your baby being safe is more important then having a dad right now. and of course later in life you can always meet someone else that doesn't put his hands on you or your baby. even if your baby goes with out a daddy for a while both of you will be better off:) good luck and take care
-
Permalink Reply by Jordin on
-
You need to leave him and never look back. You deserve respect and to be treated with dignity and love. Your baby will not benefit from having a father who treats you like this. You cannot change him, a baby will not change him, and if he wanted to change he would have done so a long time ago. Do not put yourself and your baby in abusive situations. Nobody deserves abuse, especially an innocent precious baby. If he does anything violent ever again, get away, call the cops and get a file going, and keep him away from your baby. Get child support and be a good mom by keeping your child away from this kind of situation. Some day you will meet a person who does not hurt your body or your feelings, and who does not hurt your baby, and you will realize how lucky and strong you are to have removed you and your baby from this situation. You need to be a strong woman and DEMAND respect. Do not let any person ever walk all over you. Get away NOW! A child does not need a father if their father is the type of person you are describing. It will only teach them that this sort of behavior is ok and it is never ok.
-
Permalink Reply by Sheena on -
Leave his azz! He put his hands on you...you could probably forgive him. But putting his hands on the baby is the reason why so many women end up behind bars. Listen, you are not meant to live a life full of pain due to a man. Our only punishment from God as a woman was painful childbearing not childbearing and stress, worry and abuse from a man. It starts with love for self. Look as yourself as rare diamonds. You are worth more than this. Tell yourself that. Once self love is established and in due time, go and find a man that will Love and respect you and your baby.
My mom always told me, when they start acting up, start acting like you don't need them. After they see your attitude change, you can't get rid of them. In this case, this relationship is not healthy. It's best to get it over now, cry your tears and get it over with than to allow this to be dragged out over years of tears and nothing changes. Cause in the end, you will be mad at yourself for wasting your time.
-
Permalink Reply by Chiaki on -
take pictures. leave him. get child support.
if u think staying with him is good for the baby... well if he's hurting an infant think of what he will do if she gets bigger. if he's so hooked on sex, u nvr kno wut he myt get tempted to do to ur daughter. we know its hard to raise a kid on ur own. my mom raised me on her own, no help from my papa. I turned out well and i love my mom. nvr blamed her for having no father. please do urself a favor and leave. before something much much worse happens.
No idiot man is worth keeping.
-
Permalink Reply by Chrisa on -
Leave that jerk now. I hope you already have. If you want your daughter to have a father-figure in her life, then move back in with your parents. A loving grandfather is much better for your baby than an abusive father. If that wont work, be a single mom.
-
Permalink Reply by Melissa A on -
It seems like you don't need him in your life. Anyone who would put their hand on either you or your baby cannot bring anything positive in your life. I know you want her to have a father but it doesn't have to be her biological dad. Right now you should just focus on you and your child. The relationship with the father is something separate. He can't even be faithful so why stay with him? You are at risk of getting STDs from him. My friend was engaged and had two kids with a guy that ended up giving her herpes. That is something you have for life! I believe it is your choice but in my opinion you don't need him. My sister's boyfriend and father of her first child left them to chase after some younger girl. A few months later my sister met her now husband. He has been a fantastic father for her daughter.
-
Permalink Reply by Michelle on -
I have in the past been in an abusive relationship. The abuse will get worse. He has all ready laid hands on the baby and you. You need to get away from this abusive man. Your daughter will grow up thinking that it is okay for a man to treat a woman this way. You don't want your daughter to end up in a similar situation later when she is grown. It will be much better for you and your daughter to not be in a relationship with this man. You need to have his abuse to you and your daughter on record even if you don't want to press charges. If he does see your daughter, then they need to be completely supervised visits. The abuse will get worse if you don't leave. Your first steps away from this man might be the hardest but think of not yourself, but what is best for your daughter. She comes first now and always. Contact with her father is not in her best interests. He has all ready proven that he will lay his abusive hands on her. She's just an innocent baby. You need to get away from this abusive man. He will only cause you pain and suffering. You and your daughter deserve so much better. I hope and pray that you make it through this hard time. Be strong for your daughter.
© 2012 Created by Mom365.
