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New boyfriend wants kids but I already had my tubes tied
I'm divorced with 2 kids and met a guy a while back and we instantly clicked. It has been the best relationship I have ever been in. I am crazy about him and so are my kids but lately he keeps saying things like "When I have kids..." and "I'm going to teach my kids..." He wants his own but I haven't mentioned to him yet that I can't have anymore. We are crazy about each other and I wish I could take it back and have another one for him but I can't and I really don't want to lose him over it. We haven't officially had that talk so I'm not sure how to bring it up without freaking him out or calling it quits. How can I tell him that if we stay together he may not have his own? I know there's adoption but he really wants one of his own.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Steph Hughes on -
Just bring it up to him. There is nothing better than honesty in a relationship. If he really wants to be with you and the kids and loves you guys, he will want to adopt them and have them as his own. My fiancé is adopting my son because he wants to be the father, since the guy who fathered him turned out to be someone that I would not want in his life (long story). So, just tell him the truth he will love you even if he can't have his own kids. If not, he isn't someone you are meant to be with.
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Permalink Reply by maedosmeninos on -
Oh my, that is an extremely difficult situation.. My girlfriend was in a similar situation, she ended up getting hers "reversed," But I'm sure like the previous post said, he would be okay with adopting yours or if not possible, he would consider them his. Or he could come around to adopting, or what about a surrogate mother? That's very difficult because that can definitely be a deal breaker because a lot of people want to experience having children of their own. I really hope this works out for you the way you want it to. I would definitely discuss the positive options while telling him!
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Permalink Reply by EastTexasMommy on -
Having tubes reversed can be upsetting due to pregnancy complications. There is articial implanting. My hubby (divorced) had a stepchild and has always wanted kids. I'd sit him down and discuss all your options. Let him know that even with a reversal it's not 100%. He could have probs and/tubes could be not so perfe@t anymore. Expensive. Good Luck.
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Permalink Reply by Erika, Star Mom on -
I personally know someone who had that procedure reversed and went on to have another healthy baby, so it is an option, but you really need to tell him the truth. It would be unfair to both of you to continue building on it, only to have it broken. Good Luck!
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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As hard as it is, it's definitely something you have to tell him... like sooner rather than later. I would just tell him straight up there is something that you have to tell him before this relationship gets any deeper, but you really never thought to bring it up until the talk of "kids of his own" came up... Since you say you haven't really had 'that talk' yet, I can understand it would be awkward just bringing it up, b/c it's like implying you may be the one he would want to have kids with even though you haven't really gotten on that topic of discussion yet of a future w/ marriage/kids together... so I completely understand what you are saying. But I think just expressing that your main concern was not letting this relationship get any deeper until he fully understood what position you are in when it comes to kids will help get your point accross without sounding like you know you are "the one". Anyway, now is definitely a good time b/c the day probably will come where he says "when we have kids together", as opposed to "when I have kids"... and then it's gonna be even harder to tell him your tubes are tied. I would also do some research on what your options would be (reversing it, surrogate, etc.) just in case the discussion leads to him asking what the options are. Good luck, and let us know how it goes :)
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Permalink Reply by Viviane G on -
It's a tough position you are in and may feel awkward bringing it up out of the blue. Instead of having a "we need to talk" discussion, I'd wait until he brings it up again and when he says: "when we have kids", I'd respond: "well... about that... There is something I need to tell you..." and discuss the issue and the possible solutions with him. Having your tubes tied was major surgery and reversing it, if that's a possibility for you, will be the same. If that's the way you both choose to go, he'll need to be there for you and your family, while you are recovering. And if the reversal surgery is not an option for you, you can maybe consider in-vitro fertilization. It's not an easy or a pleasant road by any means but it is an option...
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Permalink Reply by Kourtliz on -
Thank you all for the suggestions! I talked to him this weekend and he stayed with me and agreed that adoption or surrogacy would be an option! So yea! I get to keep him! Thanks again for the push to get it out in the open and over with. I feel like a weight was lifted!
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I am so happy for you... you must feel like the weight of the world is off your shoulders!! Sounds like you've got a great guy :)
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