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Looking for support from other stay at home moms.
So tonight, I was majorly stereotyped as a stay at home mom. I have gestational diabetes, and I mentioned something about how my sugar is out of control a bit the last week, so I'm going to eat food that isn't processed whenever I can help it to keep myself healthier for the baby and myself. One response I got was "you're a stay at home mom, don't be lazy" about making homecooked meals. So of course I was livid, but my response was "to be clear, I mean when we can afford it, since processed food is cheaper." at this point she said she'd "bite her tongue"
Now this person knows that my husband as a truck driver makes a decent living. So basically, she thinks that because I'm a stay at home mom, we should be loaded or something. It really hurt my feelings. Yes, I am fortunate, but one good income is still only one income, and we still have many many bills to pay. We have two cars we're trying to pay off and run, we pay for our own groceries, health insurance, everything. He makes too much money for any kind of assitance (and for the record I'd never knock anyone who is on assistance, we used to be ourselves)
At one point, neither my husband nor I were working, he was out of work for almost a year. We lived off of assistance and unemployment while he went to school for his CDL, not his dream job but it's great job security and good money. We worked very hard to get to where we are at, but that doesn't mean that we are made of money. I coupon and make my own laundry soap to save a buck because it's just not there with all our expenses. We have to have two cars since he's gone so much, we rent our home but we pay all of our utilities, and winter time kills us financially because we have oil heat. It's just not cool for someone who doesn't know any of this, or me, to make assumptions.
She basically made me feel like I should be sorry for being fortunate enough to get to stay home with my son and the son we have coming, and like I need to go out and get a "real job" in order to not be judged in modern society. I just decided to drop the whole thing with her, I didn't want an argument. I'm not looking for advice so much as I'm looking for support from other stay at home moms. I would never judge the working mom, I mean geez gas alone is 3.99 a gallon here, there is nothing wrong with having to, or wanting to work. Any moms out there who can relate to how I'm feeling right now?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Katie, Mom365 Host on -
What I'm always confused about is childcare isn't free, if you're a working mom you're paying someone to care for your children. So obviously taking care of kids is a job! It is unfortunately unpaid, and I think every SAHM on this site can relate to missing that second income. It is a luxury of time to be a SAHM, but the compromise is your family has less money. There are advantages and disadvantages to being both a SAHM and a Working Mom. It's a tough world out there for moms! Hang in there :)
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Permalink Reply by Takara on -
i hear it all the time from people. I too was a stay at home mom from 2008 til recent. my husband is in the national guard but we dont really get tht much so we strive to do our best he also wrks at a save a lot warehouse because we too have two cars beacause he is always gone so i need one in order to take my son to school plus doc appts and other things. We are paying on our cars monthly. I dnt mind wrking I just started at a dollar general but i still consider myself a stay at home mom bc i dnt get tht many hours so i mostly at hme wit my kids and being a stay at home mom is not bad. At least im their and taking care of my kids and tht is the best job ever. Its free but its a job and i love it. So anyone against stay at home moms are bogus. We work just dont get paid for the type of wrk we do.
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Permalink Reply by Sweetmama on -
I can definitely relate with you. I was a stay at home mom until my son was 7 months old and then 8 months ago I had no choice but to find a way to make some money asap. First of all, let me say that I don't judge mamas who choose to work. Everyone should have that choice, but for me I believe strongly that the best thing for my son and my family as a whole is for me to be the one taking care of him throughout the day. Because of that I decided to take a job as a nanny for a family with two small children. This way I am helping out financially, but still able to take my son with me and care for him each day. I have heard comments so many times about how wanting to stay at home has to do with being lazy. Let's be honest though. Most stay at home moms work just as hard as those who work outside of the home and we don't usually get to take breaks. I hear comments about how I should work a "real" job so I could better contribute to our income. My husband gave up a really good job because he wasn't happy and now he has to work a second part time job to make up some of the difference in his pay. However, as Katie pointed out, people don't realize that if I was making more money I'd also be paying out more money for childcare. And no one else would take care of my son like I do. I just try to let their comments go in one ear and out the other. We have to do what's best for our families and no one else's opinions really matter. They are probably just jealous because they'd really like to be at home with their babies. Anyway all that just to say keep doing what you're doing and don't let it bother you too much. Your babies will thank you later. You will never regret the time you devoted to being with your children.
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Permalink Reply by mrs21703 on
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I can relate as well! There are so many assumptions about what it means to be a stay at home mom - you have all the time in the world and your husband MUST have a fabulous income if you can afford to stay home with your children. A lot of those women don't realize that you are financially in about the same spot (if not worse) as they are . . .
I actually sat down with one friend and went over numbers to show her that she too could stay at home, since her income was covering her childcare, commute costs and her food/beverage while at work. When it comes down to it, I know that most of the people who give us grief (there are plenty of them out there) are just miserable for some reason or are jealous and want to bring you down. We SAHMs are survivors, we're willing to do what it takes to keep our households running - people see that and don't understand it. We have the greatest rewards in seeing our children grow, experiencing all the changes (even when those changes make us want to pull out our hair) :D
Good for you for not letting her bring you down to her level - sometimes it's far too tempting to jump into a fight. Modern society judges people no matter what lifestyle they choose - Let society be ashamed, not us!
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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It's sad, but so many people have this warped idea of what being a stay at home mom is all about. They think you are sitting back watching the tv all day, relaxing... like a vacation! Boy are they confused! I have been a stay at home mom before, not for very long... b/c to be quite honest it was way more work than what I'm cut out for! Don't get me wrong, I love being a Mom, but going to work is my break away. I think it's awesome that some moms have the mentality, strength, and patience to be home 24/7 and meet all the needs for the family/household, but it just was not cut our for me. I admire those moms that have these strengths, b/c it's a weakness of mine. I think for someone to understand, they'd have to at least walk in your shoes for once to be able to have any sort of comment or input on being a SAHM. Don't pay any mind to these people, b /c if these people had any clue of what being a SAHM was really about... they would commend you for being so responsible w/ your 'job' at home, b/c being a SAHM is just like a job, except I'd like to add it is much harder than any job I've ever worked in my life!
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Permalink Reply by jnava on
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lol im lucky if i can get out of my pajamas by noon lol sometimes later.
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Permalink Reply by SuperMiller831 on -
This sounds like someone I would cut off, if that's possible. If you're brave enough (I'm generally a chicken in these types of situations.) I would tell her or email her and let her know you were offended and don't be surprised if you take a step away. It sounds like she's jealous of your ability to stay home. To be honest - I cherish every moment I'm able to be with my son but it is by far SO much harder than going to work every day. People don't realize and/or believe that. I pretty much sah with my son - I work about 8-12 hrs a week just to get out of the house and socialize. I think people think we have money but the truth is we have made MAJOR sacrifices because we feel like having a parent at home is better for him then being in daycare. And we're "fortunate" to live in a low cost area (I don't love it, but again, it allows me to stay home.) so that helps with cost of living. Screw anyone who insults your lifestyle - no matter what it is. As I get older I've learned that life is very short and there is no time for people who hold you down. Especially with your GD, you need to keep your blood pressure down. Yeah, cut her loose.
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Permalink Reply by tkowatch on -
My daughter is 18 months old and I have very thankfully been able to stay home with her. We live off my fiance's income and my mom lives with us and provides some income from her retirement but we still struggle. But we all make sacrifices so I am able to be at home with my daughter. It is by far the hardest and most enjoyable job I have ever had. When ever people start making comments to me about getting a real job I simply let them know that I have a real job and we make the choice to sacrifice new I phones or the latest gadgets or expensive dinners out or movie nights so I can be the one who raises my daughter, not a daycare or someone else. It is very important to me to be there full time for my daughter, but I also know and respect others who have to or choose to work outside the home.
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