Community
Help with partner and loss
Ever since his dad we come p and stay at his moms house where they are both yelling saying its my fault for our puppy not being trained yet or our dog who simply needs o be put down but he won't causing issues.
Idk what I should do. Let him go
He woks 4 am to 530 pm so he basicl omens home and works on the house plays wih our daughter then ignores me
He constantly talks about the possibility of a hot nanny at the new house when he knows I feel ugly and tonight I realized I am dead inside.
He iss a great dad works hard to get u things but ever since hi dad I'm nothing I feel.
I cry all the time. I don't kno what to do. I'd have no where to go because my parents are not an option n because uthis new baby I. Cant work
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Joygia on -
Hi, I am sorry to hear about your loss. I don't wanna sound like I'm being judgmental but I, think you should talk to a professional. This is coming from someone who lost my kid father shortly after becoming pregnant. I broke down in tears just about everywhere I went, from the grocery store to church to the doctors office, to work. I was prescribed Zoloft but refused to take it, not knowing how it would affect my baby. I have to say it has gotten better after taking to just about everyone I know and met. Depression is so complex but sometimes you just need to talk and get it off your mind. I recommend speaking to a professional because the psychologist I, spoke with really helped me to see things in a realistic way. I used to blame myself , but I now know I,didnt cause it, and could have done nothing to stop it. Try to stay strong for your daughter and for the new baby. The days I didn't want to get out of bed, I had to for my children. I gave birth to my son preterm and I believe it was due to the stress. He is now a six month old happy, healthy child but has minor developmental delays. Your children are most important, you shape their lives and future both during pregnancy and throughout their lives. Always remember that and put then first. I wish you the best! Feel free to reply.....
-
Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
-
I think what you both need is someone to talk to... whether it's with each other, friends, family, or a professional. One of our very best friends (a husband/wife couple) have been going through a similar experience. The husband lost his mother about 8 years ago... it was a very sudden, unexpected loss. He slowly begain to just shut down. He never grieved, and as a result he never moved on. It's something he just kinda tucked away. His wife has confided in us several times. Her exact words were "we are both dead inside", and it began just after the Mother died. They have let us (me and my partner) in on the problems in their marriage, so when we get together we talk about his Mom, the problems in their marriage, how they can move on, how they can be their for each other, and the steps they can take to grieve. At this point, we are trying to help him come to terms by going to visit her grave site (he has not done this yet, I think in fear that it will really hit him). I know you are in a very hard situation, and you can only hold on trying to keep the life in this relationship for so long on your own. I think you should start intitiating talking about his feelings, talking about his Dad (the memories, the death, the bottled up feelings), discuss your feelings, discuss where the relationship is going, express what things hurt you (like the comment about nanny)... and hopefully in return he will open up and start talking and getting all this stuff off his chest, instead of shutting down and keeping it in.
-
-
Also, I know it's tough esp. given the situation you are in now (pregnancy, moving, etc.), but try to be the rock... stay strong while he is in such a weak place, ecourage him- tell him yes he has experienced a loss, but he will soon experience an addition to the family that needs his/her Daddy, encourage him that each day will get better, encourage him that it's okay to grieve, it's okay to cry, its okay to be upset, mad, happy, confused, etc... but that his family needs him. He may just be looking for someone to tell him it's okay, that they will be there for him, that he can cry on their shoulder, etc. He may just need that little bit of strength and encouragement to move on.
-
Permalink Reply by Maggie on
-
As someone who has lost a relative to suicide, I can tell you that the grieving process is more complex than with other types of loss. You are not only dealing with the loss itself, but also with the fact that the person CHOSE to leave, so there is a feeling of abandonment and anger. Some of those feelings about his father may be spilling over to you, especially if he fears you will leave him. There's also the guilt when a loved one commits suicide (Could I have done something to prevent it? Cause it?) Your partner has a lot on his plate, and it sounds like you have a lot on yours, too. You may want to talk to someone else because as much as we would like to be everything to our partners and have them be everything for us, it is not always so simple. Your partner, who is probably questioning whether his father loved/felt connected to him is probably not the best person to support you when you are feeling disconnected from your unborn child. The very thought of it probably makes him mad, but you do need support. It is important that you work through this before the baby comes, so that you can bond with baby. Every baby, regardless of the circumstances surrounding their arrival, deserves to be loved. Things can get better for you. With the depression that you are currently experiencing, you are probably not the best person to support your partner through his loss. That is not to say you should abandon each other, just that you should both consider seeking outside, perhaps professional, support. I will be praying for you and wish you the best.
-
Permalink Reply by ravenwolf837 on -
I'm sorry you have to go through that. i am going through the same but no one died. My son is almost 9 months and i feel that my husband hates me, everything is my fault, etc. My husband has told me he can't stand to be around me. He doesn't want to have sex with me and when we actaully do he is kinda rough(sorry tmi) I had to deal with severe depression since i was 13(now 27) and now i think i have ppd. I hope it gets better for you. Prayers and hugs.
© 2013 Created by Mom365.
