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Dad or No Dad? That Is The Question.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on -
Maybe you could tell him how you feel? Is that something he would be receptive to? I know that for me, personally, I don't think I could survive without my husband. Even if it's just for 10 minutes, I need those few moments when the kids want his attention. I love my kids, but it's nice to get a break every now and then :)
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Permalink Reply by ZoMama on -
I tell him everything and explain how I feel the best way I can but he just doesn't get it. I definitely can't do it without him I just wish he was on my side about more things.
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on
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Could you go to family counseling? It really helps to have somebody teach you both how to communicate your needs and mediate a solution. Don't give up :)
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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Are you and him together or separated? If he is an involved Dad, and tries to help... maybe you could try seeing things how he sees them sometimes too? The only reason I say this is because I had this same line of thinking (that it was my way or the highway) with our daughter when we first started a family. I thought I knew best b/c I'm 'the Mom' and his ways were just half-assed or simply not okay. The truth is, yes sometimes they do things wrong... but sometimes they don't and it's just simply us being set in our ways that is the problem too. After talking it over when we had our second... I realized when I tried to do things my way only and tried pushing that on him, he felt I was underestimating him as a Father (his exact words). I realized how stupid it was for me to control every little thing about how our children are raised, bathed, put to bed, changed, etc. b/c the truth is, we brought these kids into this world together and we both should have every bit of say on how to raise them. I also realized there are so many women out here complaining how the Father has no involvement and it's like pulling teeth to even get them to hold their own child, so I considered myself extremely lucky to have an involved Father w/ my children (even if his ways are sometimes wrong or in disagreement w/ the way I want things done). You are not the only one who feels this way, but I can bet you it would be much harder without his help... so try to maybe put yourself in his shoes or find a different perspective on it. I guess a good perspective would be, is the way he wants to do things causing your daughter any harm, is it making your daughter upset or puting her at risk in any way... and if not, is it possible to let him do things his way every once in a while so he feels like a great/involved parent too??
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Permalink Reply by ZoMama on
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The relationship between us is neither here or there. Technically we arent together, but then again we are. he told me i need to let him take some responsibility and let him do some of the work and i did and things have become easier. I can totally relate to everything your saying because we go through the same thing. I try to control everything because i am set in my ways, but i have been letting up and let him do his job. Because we dont live together i realized that hes going to do what he wants when im not around and that kind of forces me to accept his way of doing things. Im okay with that because im learing to just step back. And he tells me all the time how other moms dont have dad around and lucky i am to have him. When he has a problem i try to see it how he does and come up with a solution that works for us both. Its getting better bewtween us and easier to raise her, but its still a work in porgress.
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Permalink Reply by grimkitty1 on
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I would let him take care of his child his way when its his turn(unless he's endangering him/her). Kids need 2 parents with two different styles so they know its ok just different from mommy or grandma or the sitter. He's a man. Dont try to beat him down. Let him deal with the kid his way. You will have a happier involved dad this way. Now when it comes time for dating or driving and you two dont agree...well that's another story.
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Permalink Reply by ZoMama on
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I can understand that. lately when he does things I just tell him that he's going to do what he wants to. when she's at your house do it your way although it bothers me to the fullest.
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Permalink Reply by Jace's Mommy on -
Don't worry you aren't the only one that feels that way! I feel that way sometimes too!!!! BUT I know that it took both of us to make him so we are both responsible for how he grows up. I am slowly (slowly but surely) getting better at listening to what he wants for our son. It was difficult for me at first, but I have gotten better at listening to what he wants and when he explains why he wants to do that for our son, it helps me understand better. So don't worry, its not just you :)
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Permalink Reply by ZoMama on
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omg I get that all the time!!!!! he always says I never listen to him. I've gotten better at listen to him and it's starting to make things easier for me and things are getting better between us.
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Permalink Reply by Viviane G on -
You certainly aren't the only one in this situation but I'm sure your daughter's dad wants the same thing you do: what's best for your daughter. It's normal to have differences of opinion or different ways of doing things. It's just part of life. And it's not always easy to manage, particularly when it's all new to everyone. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to step back and observe. If the job gets done, even if it's not the same way as you would do it, isn't that the point?
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Permalink Reply by ZoMama on
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Im starting to understand that at the end of the days if shes fine i should be too.
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