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confused, lost and just dont know what to do!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by sue on -
Go back to your family now. Your children are the most important. You do NOT want them growing up watching someone smoke weed and drink beer every night. Your kids will grow up thinking it is ok to do drugs.
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Permalink Reply by Vai Afu on -
You should do whats best for you and your kids and dont second guess yourself when you know your right. Some time apart might do the dad some good as well. I know what its like to deal with someone who just won't give up the blunt and hold up their end of the bargain. No disrespect. Some people just don't know what they got til its gone you know. Been through the same thing you going through and girl I can go on for days lol. But basically in my opinion go ahead and pack up that uhaul and head back to your fam. Stay strong and keep your head up.
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on -
You're not wrong. Leave as soon as you can. Big hugs, and stay strong, momma. You're doing what's best for your kids. That's not the sort of person who is going to be a good example for them.
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Permalink Reply by Shannon, Star Mom on
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No, you are not wrong at all. It sounds like you are ready to make things all about your kids (well you have been in that mind frame for a very long time now), and he is not. It's okay to still be a parent and have a good time (whether with or without alcohol), as long as you are still setting a good example for your children. Would he one day want his son to smoke weed like he does or need it like he does, I am sure he doesn't want that.... and that is just the mind frame he needs to be in, that everything he does is the #1 example to his son. Right now all you need is support and a loving/nurturing environment for your children, if you are not getting that where you are at then it's time to move on... like you said. I think you are making a very wise decision. It's not to say there isn't hope in the future for your sons father to change or make things right, but for now he is not making you and the kids his #1 priority. So, do what you have to do and go from there. Good luck and stay strong :)
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Permalink Reply by evelyne on
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You definitely need get out and be around people that are going to promote a healthy and supportive environment for you and your kids. It's great that you're concerned for your kids and are already thinking of getting them out. I'm sure it'll be hard at first, but remember it is so worth it!
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Permalink Reply by Joygia on
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PLEASE LEAVE ASAP!!!!!! It is urgent, believe me do not delay, do not beg him. Tears and pleas will not make him stop, it will only makr him see how strong his hold on you is. Drug and alcohol abuse only gets worse, and I think people CAN stop once they start, but they have to WANT to stop. right now he is not ready to stop and you should not be putting your time and energy into begging him to stop and to change, your time and energy should be getting towards your children and their well being. Please do the best thing for you and your children. I am speaking from experience.
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Permalink Reply by misspenguin on -
Your not wrong you need to do whats best for your kids. Kids dont need to grow up around drugs and alcohol. Its far better to move back with your family cause sounds like he doesn't want to change. Some people are just completely set in their ways and dont want to change no matter what. Your kids need a better environment and if that better environment is with your family than thats where you should be. Really you just have to do whats in your heart and best for your kids.
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Permalink Reply by TanyaLeeAnn on -
I think you're doing the right thing. I'm in a similar situation with my husband, but it's not so much drugs and alcohol as him being lazy, won't work and we fight all the time. I also think he is too hard and mean to my oldest (not his) which I've mentioned he needs to lighten up but he doesn't listen. I told him last night that I didn't want to be with him anymore, and we are working on getting him out of the house. Not only do I not want this kind of relationship for me because I think I deserve something better, but I don't want my kids to grow up thinking this kind of relationship is normal. I want my son to grow up to be the kind of man that knows how to love and support his family and i want my daughter to find a man like that. It's up to us as parents to influence how our children grow up, and the best way they learn is by example. So be the example you want your children to see. It's going to be hard for you, but I know you are strong enough to do what is right for you and your kids.
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Permalink Reply by nolamom on -
You are definatly doing the right thing. I was in that same situation a few years ago. My sons father was also a weed smoker and we faught all the time about it because i didnt want it around my son. Then he got hurt at work which made things worse cause he was sitting home all day doing nothing while i worked. It got to the point where he was loaded from the time he woke up till he went to sleep. I eventually got fed up with it and took my son (3yrs old at the time) and left. Webwere apart for 2 years. Luckily within those 2 years he managed to open his eyes and see that he was destroying our relationship. He told me he wanted to get back together. I told him i would give it a chance but the drugs had to go and the first time i caught him with it i was leaving for good and would get custody of our son. Well he seemed to get the picture and he hasnt smoked since. We have been married now for a year and 4 months my son is now 9 and we have a 5 month old son. So stay strong and do what you have to do for your kids. Best of luck to you.
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Permalink Reply by ravenwolf837 on -
I'm kinda going through the same thing but i'm married. We have argued for months and i was going to leave but decided not to b/c we have been together since i was 13, i'm now 27. He has been controling for a long time now and i got so tried of it that i told him i was going to leave and he really didn't care. I have asked him to help and he gets mad and gets mad at everything i do. When i decided to stay he said that he was going to do anything he wants to and i can't say a damn thing about it and that i can do anything too but nope it's not. He can do anything and i can't. I thought it was going to change but it didn't. He ccomplained all the time and complained about not getting any and didn't understand why. I was the one doing everything, getting up 2-3 times a night while he slept. I can't stand to do anything now even sex. I get frustrated and i just don't like it anymore. He doesn't show me love and thinks he shouldn't have to. I don't feel like i have a husband anymore but a roommate with some(not a lot) benefits. I still can do stuff by myself, i have to go with my mom or him. I can't have friends over or at least come in the house but his but can come over EVERYDAY but he doesn't come in b/c(accord to my husband) he doesn't want to be around me. Now i feel stuck and unloved.
I'm sorry for my rant but i just wanted to show you that you are not alone with having to deal with a little boy who thinks he is a man. And i get what your saying about the weed(not going into that). So be strong, leave and stand up for what you want.
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Permalink Reply by shauna on
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Honey listen even if you are married you can still leave your husband! Your child can tell if mom and dad are unhappy and that will affect the relationships in his/her future life. I do believe that most of the time it is best for mom and dad to be together, but if your relationship is all about fights, arguing, and not show that you love each other then you as parents are creating a problem. If your husband really doesn't care if you were going to leave him the you should REALLY leave him, because now he thinks that he can do anything and say anything to you and you will not leave him. But if you do leave maybe he will realize and wake and see how great you are. Then (if it was me only then) would I be with him. Also, when it comes to his friends I would not allow them in my home if they did not like me. I am that with my husband and he is that way with me, but we both will not be friends with anyone that does not like our better half. We believe that we are teammates, so we do not let any other person put down our partner. I really like your last to be strong, leave and stand up for what you want I really think you should take your advice!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for such a long paragraph, but when I read your rant I just really felt that I need to tell you this because every person deserves to be happy in a healthy relationship. I wish and pray that you get this god bless.
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Permalink Reply by Patricia1212 on -
I've been through the same. There are support groups out there!! Try Al-anon or Nar-anon. There are e-meetings too!
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