I know it's tough. It's hard at that age because everything is about testing boundaries. I know that time outs didn't work with my son until he was closer to 3. At that age it was all about distraction and redirection. Can you call your son over for a hug or tickle right before he's about to do something naughty? With my son every time he started to get into a loop of naughtiness we would go to the park to get that energy out in a less aggravating (for me) way.
I know this is not politically correct but that's never been an issue with us...
I have a 4 year old and an 18 month old. We are constantly getting compliments on how well behaved they are. I don't remember the last time our 4 year old threw a fit and they both obey immediately. Yes, they test - that lasts for 1 day maybe... but even the 18 month old obeys the word no and is getting better every day at obeying.
Our secret...we are firm believers in spankings. If I tell you 'no' and there is direct disobedience there will be consequeces. Most of the time - 85-90% of the time it means a spanking. At the 18 month old age we swat their thigh - it stings but never leaves a mark. If they're touching something they shouldn't they get their hand slapped. If they scream then their cheek gets flicked.
You have no idea how wonderfully that works - it's not abuse - what's abuse it not teaching a child to obey. There are consequeces to everything good and bad and an 18 month old is definitely old enough to learn that.
We always end the disipline time with apologies (our 18 month old says,'sorry'), explanations (why did I have to spank you?), and lovin'. There's nothing better than getting your sweet son/daughter back when it's all over instead of the terror that was just a few minutes ago. It's over and done with and now you can have fun without him being miserable sitting over by himself.
Probably if you're trying time outs you don't believe in spankings...but it truly works if done in love and...best yet, it doesn't last forever. The earlier you start spankings the earlier they won't be necessary. The terrible 2's never hit us because she was already well onto her way to being a very obedient child.
Hope this helps...
ok....so I was with you on the swatting the thigh (or behind) and getting hand smacked, but flicking their cheek? That is just rude and disrespectful! Yes, 18 months old deserve respect too. And I see no purpose in it. What if you miss and get their eye???? What does a cheek have to do with screaming anyway. Besides, screaming is what 18 month olds do. They do it when angry, happy, playful, etc. It's just what they do. Get over it! You need some parenting classes. This is not an issue of political correctness, this is an issue of poor disciplining skills. Either you wrote this for shock value and to get a rise out of people or you really need some help!
Speaking of being rude and disrespectful...
In 4 1/2 years I've never missed their cheek - I flick right beside their mouth. It is not rude. It is the offending party. I don't flick when they are yelling in fun...don't be ridiculous. Anger is not resolved by screaming. I don't scream at my children and they will not scream at me when they are angry. My children have learned and are learing to have fun but also to be able to stay in the boundaries when necessary.
Do I dare ask how well behaved your children are?
I would appreciate you not lecturing others and saying they have poor parenting/disciplining skills. We all do the very best we can and my method is working well with my children. I was offering advice...take what you can and leave what you don't want.That's how this site works you know.
I seriously hope you don't rail like this on everyone whose reply you don't like.
I won't be commenting on any further unkind comments you return.
Have a nice day.
@KDMommy. I do something similar, but I usually do spanking as a last resort, and I do incorporate time outs. With my 15 month old, she does very well just with me saying No in a firm voice, and if she continues (usually her problem is playing with cords) I will lightly smack her hand, and point towards her toys and say "Go play" and she listens. Usually I don't have to smack her hand, just point and direct and she obeys. I'm sure she'll be testing that soon enough lol.
With my 3 year old, he has tear stains in his corner lol. Poor kid. I also pop his mouth when he shrieks in anger or talks back to me (After 3 warnings). I don't flick, but I'll get down on his level and just like...tap my hand against his mouth, if you get what I mean. It sort of confuses him and makes him stop, and then I use that chance to tell him "Calm yourself down" and go through the process. If he continues to misbehave, he gets a spank. My 15 month old hasn't shrieked in anger, but sometimes when she's really upset (like hurt or frustrated) she'll scream and then I'll make the Indian noise. Where you pat your hand on their mouth in rapid succession so it makes a cool noise. That usually calms her instantly and she starts laughing and repeating the noise with her own hand.
So I do agree with your method, but I only use it more around 40-50%. My 3 year is in a tantrum phase but he does listen pretty quickly.
We do 'time outs' every now and again but they are mainly for our 4 year old who has already learned the consequeces.
I was simply commenting on the original mom's question...when time outs don't work spanking does.
Time outs work for the older children who already have consequeces settled. Sounds like we're on the same page. Congratulations on having well behaved children!
Agreed, and I also make sure that my 3 year old is calm before the time out, otherwise he is just in hysterics and it doesn't do any good. My 15 month old obviously can't understand a time out, and she's usually pretty "chill" but if she starts getting cranky or something I will sit her on my lap for a "calm down" session.
Perhaps this is a case study, but check into the research on spanking and any sort of corporal punishment before using it on your children. Be sure to look into the long-term effects. I'm a school psychologist and work daily with children who have behavioral problems (in upper elementary, middle, and high school) not to mention those with emotional problems who have been spanked, hit, "flicked," etc...
Just do your homework as you would research a product before you bought it. This is your child's future. There are plenty of alternatives to this.
Those emotional problems are cause by abusive versions of these punishments. We love our children through them. I've never known anyone who has emotional problems from loving punishment. And, by the way, I have researched it.
All I can tell you is what I KNOW... it works for us and all those who use corporal punishment correctly.
Thanks for being brave enough to post this. I totally agree with you. I have a 17 month old and have learned over the last few months that he is too young to understand what time outs are and therefore, they have no effect. He is just right back to being naughty after a time out. It's frustrating for me and he does not learn anything from it.
I was spanked as a child and I remember obeying my parents because I knew the consequences. I also knew that they loved me and I respected them. I really believe immediate and direct consequences like a spanking is effective. I also agree that it must be done out of love and the need to teach them rather than taking out your frustration on your child. This is so important.
Thanks for a great post.