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18 month old hit, throws things, even bites
with but I can't handle this any more!! My 18 month old son hits, pulls hair,
throws things at people and pets and sometimes even bites. He also
often tests the limits, sneaking closer and closer to the pet food and
water bowls (which are no-nos), climbs on the arm rests of the couch and
climbs on the tables, etc. Time outs don't work. He will be right back to
whatever he got in trouble for sometimes as quick as 10 minutes. I don't
want to spank him because that defeats the purpose of telling him not to
hit.
My recent mom 365 said that it will be another 5 months before he will
comply with what we want him to do. I cannot do this another 5 months!
He is making me insane! Someone please help!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jen, Mom365 Host on -
I know it's tough. It's hard at that age because everything is about testing boundaries. I know that time outs didn't work with my son until he was closer to 3. At that age it was all about distraction and redirection. Can you call your son over for a hug or tickle right before he's about to do something naughty? With my son every time he started to get into a loop of naughtiness we would go to the park to get that energy out in a less aggravating (for me) way.
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Permalink Reply by Sabrina on -
Yes, I'm there too, my 21 mo. old son has older bro & SIS & they laugh which makes it worse..& dad is no help, he won't discipline at all. Says he's not gonna be the bad guy..ugghh..I have to redirect every.5 min it seems, & spend ot of time outside, while weather permits.. terrifying 2's are upon us...good luck!!
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Permalink Reply by Mommyof4 on -
I know this is not politically correct but that's never been an issue with us...
I have a 4 year old and an 18 month old. We are constantly getting compliments on how well behaved they are. I don't remember the last time our 4 year old threw a fit and they both obey immediately. Yes, they test - that lasts for 1 day maybe... but even the 18 month old obeys the word no and is getting better every day at obeying.
Our secret...we are firm believers in spankings. If I tell you 'no' and there is direct disobedience there will be consequeces. Most of the time - 85-90% of the time it means a spanking. At the 18 month old age we swat their thigh - it stings but never leaves a mark. If they're touching something they shouldn't they get their hand slapped. If they scream then their cheek gets flicked.
You have no idea how wonderfully that works - it's not abuse - what's abuse it not teaching a child to obey. There are consequeces to everything good and bad and an 18 month old is definitely old enough to learn that.
We always end the disipline time with apologies (our 18 month old says,'sorry'), explanations (why did I have to spank you?), and lovin'. There's nothing better than getting your sweet son/daughter back when it's all over instead of the terror that was just a few minutes ago. It's over and done with and now you can have fun without him being miserable sitting over by himself.
Probably if you're trying time outs you don't believe in spankings...but it truly works if done in love and...best yet, it doesn't last forever. The earlier you start spankings the earlier they won't be necessary. The terrible 2's never hit us because she was already well onto her way to being a very obedient child.
Hope this helps...
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Permalink Reply by Dawn C on -
ok....so I was with you on the swatting the thigh (or behind) and getting hand smacked, but flicking their cheek? That is just rude and disrespectful! Yes, 18 months old deserve respect too. And I see no purpose in it. What if you miss and get their eye???? What does a cheek have to do with screaming anyway. Besides, screaming is what 18 month olds do. They do it when angry, happy, playful, etc. It's just what they do. Get over it! You need some parenting classes. This is not an issue of political correctness, this is an issue of poor disciplining skills. Either you wrote this for shock value and to get a rise out of people or you really need some help!
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Permalink Reply by Mommyof4 on
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Speaking of being rude and disrespectful...
In 4 1/2 years I've never missed their cheek - I flick right beside their mouth. It is not rude. It is the offending party. I don't flick when they are yelling in fun...don't be ridiculous. Anger is not resolved by screaming. I don't scream at my children and they will not scream at me when they are angry. My children have learned and are learing to have fun but also to be able to stay in the boundaries when necessary.
Do I dare ask how well behaved your children are?
I would appreciate you not lecturing others and saying they have poor parenting/disciplining skills. We all do the very best we can and my method is working well with my children. I was offering advice...take what you can and leave what you don't want.That's how this site works you know.
I seriously hope you don't rail like this on everyone whose reply you don't like.I won't be commenting on any further unkind comments you return.
Have a nice day.
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Permalink Reply by Bethany Ann, Star Mom on -
@KDMommy. I do something similar, but I usually do spanking as a last resort, and I do incorporate time outs. With my 15 month old, she does very well just with me saying No in a firm voice, and if she continues (usually her problem is playing with cords) I will lightly smack her hand, and point towards her toys and say "Go play" and she listens. Usually I don't have to smack her hand, just point and direct and she obeys. I'm sure she'll be testing that soon enough lol.
With my 3 year old, he has tear stains in his corner lol. Poor kid. I also pop his mouth when he shrieks in anger or talks back to me (After 3 warnings). I don't flick, but I'll get down on his level and just like...tap my hand against his mouth, if you get what I mean. It sort of confuses him and makes him stop, and then I use that chance to tell him "Calm yourself down" and go through the process. If he continues to misbehave, he gets a spank. My 15 month old hasn't shrieked in anger, but sometimes when she's really upset (like hurt or frustrated) she'll scream and then I'll make the Indian noise. Where you pat your hand on their mouth in rapid succession so it makes a cool noise. That usually calms her instantly and she starts laughing and repeating the noise with her own hand.
So I do agree with your method, but I only use it more around 40-50%. My 3 year is in a tantrum phase but he does listen pretty quickly.
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Permalink Reply by Mommyof4 on
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We do 'time outs' every now and again but they are mainly for our 4 year old who has already learned the consequeces.
I was simply commenting on the original mom's question...when time outs don't work spanking does.
Time outs work for the older children who already have consequeces settled. Sounds like we're on the same page. Congratulations on having well behaved children!
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Permalink Reply by Bethany Ann, Star Mom on
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Agreed, and I also make sure that my 3 year old is calm before the time out, otherwise he is just in hysterics and it doesn't do any good. My 15 month old obviously can't understand a time out, and she's usually pretty "chill" but if she starts getting cranky or something I will sit her on my lap for a "calm down" session.
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Permalink Reply by stupid8d on -
Hi guys I don't want to get into the moral part of spanking or not spank. But I just want the parents out there to know this before they try it. And that's it doesn't work on everyone!! Just to name a few Me. My brother. My husband and his brother were all products of spanking. And let me tell you we were all super misbehaved kids! I remembered not understanding why I got hit becaudr I couldn't control my volume. And energy. All I thought was I knew my parents were upset with me and that made me sad on top of confusion. Everytime I did something bad I would expect to get spanked. Sometimes it was a dicision like is it worth getting spanked? Sometimes no but sometimes yes! I thought getting spanked was only a temporary consequence as pain only last for a few seconds to minutes. All of us were only well behaved at the time of the threat not really before or after. Especially when our parent's were around. Out of sight out of mind you know! I can alk more about why it didn't work but..
Anyway what worked for me was when my parents divorced. Not the divorced part but because when my dad was left to take care of us by himself he didn't know how. He tried to cook but failed. Didn't know how to do laundry or keep a clean house so I had to step up ( I was only 7) I learned how to fill my moms spot in the househld. (My brother was still naughty. He changed as he got older. He used even hit my dad back) so I think teaching responsibility is how the real key to having a behaved child. Long. term consequences need to be taught to! Taking something away when they are bad. etc. But honestly let kids be kids they xant control themselves. Dont t reat them like. dogs. Take them to the park to let out energy and don't take them to places they need. to behave like a nice restaurants.
One more thing that worked was when my dad told me how he felt and why. When I knew he was sad it made me want to be better for him
It worked way better than yelling or hitting. I always felt different about what I did ashamed even. When we had grown up conversations or when he read stories to me about well behaved children etc. Sorry its so long -.- I hope it helped though.
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Permalink Reply by muffetjane on -
Perhaps this is a case study, but check into the research on spanking and any sort of corporal punishment before using it on your children. Be sure to look into the long-term effects. I'm a school psychologist and work daily with children who have behavioral problems (in upper elementary, middle, and high school) not to mention those with emotional problems who have been spanked, hit, "flicked," etc...
Just do your homework as you would research a product before you bought it. This is your child's future. There are plenty of alternatives to this.
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Permalink Reply by Mommyof4 on
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Those emotional problems are cause by abusive versions of these punishments. We love our children through them. I've never known anyone who has emotional problems from loving punishment. And, by the way, I have researched it.
All I can tell you is what I KNOW... it works for us and all those who use corporal punishment correctly.
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Permalink Reply by Melissa Armstrong on -
Thanks for being brave enough to post this. I totally agree with you. I have a 17 month old and have learned over the last few months that he is too young to understand what time outs are and therefore, they have no effect. He is just right back to being naughty after a time out. It's frustrating for me and he does not learn anything from it.
I was spanked as a child and I remember obeying my parents because I knew the consequences. I also knew that they loved me and I respected them. I really believe immediate and direct consequences like a spanking is effective. I also agree that it must be done out of love and the need to teach them rather than taking out your frustration on your child. This is so important.
Thanks for a great post.
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